There are universal or being needs (expectations) such as safety, trust, care, love, understanding, curiosity, acceptance, freedom, etc. that humans have and often expect their partner to fulfill. If a couple loves each other, they happily meet their partner’s needs and give them the freedom to meet them outside the relationship (if possible) if they can’t. It is also advisable to find different ways to meet our partners needs and to make doable requests that are clear in scope, time and place to meet these needs. 

On the other hand, there is neediness, the projection of unhealthy emotional needs and unrealistic expectations that are not reasonable to be met. However, you may also look at why you don’t want to or can’t meet his needs. 

It is important to clearly understand our own needs/expectations and those of our partner without shaming or judging him or her (for example you may have a need for freedom and (s)he for closeness—both are legitimate but may seem incompatible). The need for freedom can turn into avoidance of intimacy, the need for closeness can turn into unhealthy controlling or jealousy. Both are not healthy, and thus provide an opportunity for healing and growth for both partners. If you feel that your partner has unreasonable expectations, be curious and ask why (s)he has these needs and see if there are other ways to meet them, or heal the underlying wounds if there is neediness.


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