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Dear Integral,This month, the Pew Research Center published a new report, showing that in 2019 the share of unpartnered American adults had risen to 38% percent and marriage rates fell to 53%. This trend has only continued since then, and we see it in many other...

There are universal or being needs (expectations) such as safety, trust, care, love, understanding, curiosity, acceptance, freedom, etc. that humans have and often expect their partner to fulfill. If a couple loves each other, they happily meet their partner’s needs...

As you can see in the statistics below, most couples now met online. The School of Humanities and Sciences drew on a nationally representative 2017 survey of American adults and found that about 39 percent of heterosexual couples reported meeting their partner online....

Need-based relationships often are. If there is a mutually beneficial exchange between the partners, even if asymmetrical, the relationship can be healthy. But as needs and the unwillingness to meet them change, the relationships become unstable. Shared purpose can...

In Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men, "soul" is defined as the unique/authentic sense of self that remains after we strip away all learned conceptions and false beliefs (ego) about who we are (page 58).   This is best accomplished in authentic soul mate...

In Jungian psychology, the anima and animus are seen as the bridge to the soul. One way to experience the soul is to get in touch with the unique sense of self that remains after we strip away all learned conceptions and false beliefs (ego) about who we are.[i] What...

There are three levels of soulmates. Each higher-level transcends and includes the previous one. Your first step is to become clear about what level of soulmate you want to find/attract. A “Biological Soulmate” that you feel physically attracted to, experience...

I became very passionate about this topic after I joined the Center for Spiritual Living in Santa Rosa 20 years ago, and for the first time in my life met people who did not want to be in healthy love relationships and have children. Since then, I thought, researched,...

After 10 years of rigorous scientific research, the German religious scholar Dr. Michael Blume documented a clear connection between mythic conservative religions and higher fertility rates. He called it "preach and breed" in his (German) book Religion and Demografie....

If you read my previous blog post, you know that I am deeply concerned about declining birth rates and the lack of co-creation in healthy love relationships among people at higher levels of consciousness development. Some of my friends and most commentators on recent...

In Session 1 of our 26-week Integral Relationship Training and Live Workshop we cover four essential dimensions of relating. They emerged in human evolution and became genetically encoded through females who not only selected males for physical strength and social...

You may have recently seen alarming reports, for example in the New York Times, about the impending decline of the world population because of increasing years of education of women and wider access to contraception as shown below. Image above: CCF-50 (Completed...

First of all, both are temporary states, which means sexual and spiritual peak experiences tend to come and go. Secondly, both unfold in 5 stages that are connected and unfold together, especially in state five of transcendental tantric sexuality, which requires a...

    For over 80 years, Harvard's Grant and Glueck study (https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/) tracked the physical and emotional well-being of two...

First of all, no woman knows “all” men and may stand in her own way of attracting an “evolved” partner by thinking this way.  Secondly, there are multiple developmental lines or intelligences that humans can evolve in, such as consciousness, cognitive,...

Integral sexuality includes practices in the singular "upper left" interior (spiritual practice, shadow, and trauma work), and "upper right" exterior (physical exercise, nutrition, rest, strengthening PC muscle, hormonal balance, etc.), and plural "lower left"...

73% of Americans believe in soulmates. Most of them envision everlasting love, romance, sexual attraction, and happiness, and to live happily ever after once they fall in love–without having to do any ongoing work in their relationship. However, this is a magical...

There are three types of purposes that result in different forms of love relationships: 1. Our Biological Purpose that leads to Transactional Love.2. Our Transformational Purpose that leads to Transformational Love.3. Our Transcendental Purpose that leads to...

Locating Your Partner and Yourself on the Compatibility Matrix   (From Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men page 153 - 162) Generally speaking, we can say that individuals who are fully actualized at their level of consciousness are most compatible with...

We often hear that good communication is the most important thing to make relationships work. While this is essentially true, it is often not understood that people who are at different levels of consciousness development cannot solve their relationship conflicts...

73% of Americans believe in soulmates. Most of them envision everlasting love, romance, sexual attraction, and happiness, and to live happily ever after once they fall in love–without having to do any ongoing work in their relationship. However, this is a magical...

In the past 15 years, I have been arguing that if we want to create a sane, loving, peaceful, and sustainable world, we need to first learn how to co-create a peaceful and sustainable love relationship with one person, and then expand from there. It escapes me why an...

It is an interesting phenomenon that men by any measure (life expectancy, physical health, job security, financial income, social status, sexual satisfaction, emotional stability, substance abuse, suicide rate, etc.) benefit more from being in love relationships than...

The Integral Relationship Model shows us that love relationships are co-create in four dimensions between partners: Their interior individual "I" mind/feelings and "We" collective cultural conditioning, and their exterior "It" individual body/behavior and (Its)...

In a dialog with Allan Combs, Ken Wilber gave four definitions for Integral: 1. To be Integrally informed. 2. A horizontal integration of the four quadrants at a particular level of consciousness. 3. The highest levels of development possible. 4. The integration of...

Of course I am kidding about "Secrets".  There are no secrets! After reading over 200 relationship books, participating in countless workshops and trainings, dating for several years (after being married twice for a total of 21 years, with four daughters), and writing...

The relationship dynamic that develops between partners beyond the fulfillment of the individuals' Primary Fantasy is determined by the developmental potentials that all adults possess.  To better grasp how these multiple dimensions interconnect and affect the quality...

As we evolve as humans, so do our love relationships. At this point of our human history we can map out eight stages: 1. In the most fundamental form, love relationships are driven by basic survival instincts: food, shelter and sex. Our primary sexual selection...

Almost 150 people participated in last weeks survey about monogamy vs. non-monogamy and many provided additional perspectives. Thank you to all of you! Mono Non-Mono Mono Mono Non-Mono Non-Mono Celibacy Celibacy Celibacy Other Level...

#4 of 12 Values for Integral Relationship Evolutionaries: We use our relationship for ongoing mutual learning, healing, growing, and awakening towards the capacity to love unconditionally.   Learning about the world, yourself and your partner by staying curious,...

My first suggestion is to begin the conversation by being curious about what others think and feel, and to actively listen without judging, projecting, and forming answers in our head. Most people are more open to hear you when they first feel heard and understood by...

With transcend I mean to go beyond, while reasonably including. With primary fantasy, a term I first read in Warren Farrell's book Why Men Are the Way They Are, I mean the biological hardwiring of heterosexual males to desire young(er) sexy females with smooth skin,...

I spent the New Year's weekend 2011/2012 with over 300 Evolutionaries from around the world at the Integral Spiritual Experience #3 in Asilomar, CA and had a blast!  Our theme was "Kosmic Creativity -- because life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating...

Value #1 of 12 Values for Integral Relationship Evolutionaries: We choose to love instead of something that happens to us or that we attract. A few weeks after publishing Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men in 2010, I received a flyer with "10 Core Values for...

After publishing Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men, I heard Evolutionary Enlightenment Guru Andrew Cohen and Beyond Awakening teacher Terry Patten speak live. Until then, I felt caught in a state of presence, surrender, acceptance, and non-resistance (generally...

#2 of 12 Values for Integral Relationship Evolutionaries: "We see the depth of our heart and soul connection as well as the level of humility and devotion to our relationship as an indicator of our psychological health and spiritual realization." With heart connection...

1. It takes two people to co-create a love relationship, but only one person to end it. 2. Men (statistically) suffer more after breakups and divorces than women*. 3. Men generally benefit more from being in a committed love relationship/marriage than women do**, but...

In an Integral Evolutionary Relationship, both partners are at an Integral or higher level of consciousness and share (1) what they love to do/feel called to do, (2) what they do well, (3) what the world needs, and (4) what the world will pay for--their Evolutionary...

Because he/she does not feel safe with you or does not trust you to be able to hear his or her truth without rejecting, judging, or punishing. People may also lie to themselves and others out of shame, fear, or guilt. Telling the truth can be a very vulnerable and...

After my friend Bill McCart took a look at The 12 Core Values for Integral Relationship Evolutionaries he pointed out that the last one, "We engage in sacred/tantric sexuality and practice monogamy out of choice instead of fear" implies that all people at an Integral...

The first step is to realize that all spiritual and personal development unfolds through multiple states and stages. Second, it is helpful to learn what these state-stages are. Third, it is important to understand the difference between waking up and growing up, and...

I am very honored that world-renowned artists Alex and Allyson Grey invited me to contribute an article about the Dialectic of Love to their COSM Journal of Visionary Culture #10 about LOVE. You can order your copy...

The first step is to realize that you have a Biological Purpose that you share with all other living creatures. It determines who you are physically attracted to and compatible with in your lifestyle choices. The second step is to get clarity about your psychological...

Why do I attract people with negative energy and mentally sick people in my relationships in recent years? How can I attract the right partner for a soulmate relationship? Why have I attracted what I've attracted so far in my life?First of all, the fact that we were...

The sex hormones testosterone, estrogen and dopamine, and the associated neurotransmitters that act upon the nucleus accumbens, regulate libido in humans. These chemicals are either naturally released so that we experience lust and desire to make babies, or heightened...

Carol Gilligan wrote in her famous book “In a Different Voice” that gave me sleepless nights: “Men try to understand others by understanding themselves; women try to understand themselves by understanding others.” If this resonates with you as it did with me, then you...

You seem to refer to the “Red Pill manosphere community”. Without taking sides and going into details, I think the dialectic of co-creation between males and females is clearly shifting. This is necessary for a new synthesis to emerge that gives males and females...

You are not alone. Singles who yearn for a partner and couples who experience relationship stress often feel that nobody loves them, or that they are not lovable and that there is something wrong with them; and that includes me at times. Of course, this is not true....

While there may be minor gender differences that I list below, effective communication with the same or opposite sex depends largely on the level of consciousness development, the perspective, and the feminine or masculine energy of the person you want to talk to (his...

By focusing on what is alive and co-created between you and your partner in all dimensions of your being at the level of your seven chakras. The first step is that you and your partner become fully aware of your surroundings, body sensations, thoughts, feelings, and...