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Locating Your Partner and Yourself on the Compatibility Matrix   (From Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men page 153 - 162) Generally speaking, we can say that individuals who are fully actualized at their level of consciousness are most compatible with...

We often hear that good communication is the most important thing to make relationships work. While this is essentially true, it is often not understood that people who are at different levels of consciousness development cannot solve their relationship conflicts...

73% of Americans believe in soulmates. Most of them envision everlasting love, romance, sexual attraction, and happiness, and to live happily ever after once they fall in love–without having to do any ongoing work in their relationship. However, this is a magical...

In the past 15 years, I have been arguing that if we want to create a sane, loving, peaceful, and sustainable world, we need to first learn how to co-create a peaceful and sustainable love relationship with one person, and then expand from there. It escapes me why an...

It is an interesting phenomenon that men by any measure (life expectancy, physical health, job security, financial income, social status, sexual satisfaction, emotional stability, substance abuse, suicide rate, etc.) benefit more from being in love relationships than...

The Integral Relationship Model shows us that love relationships are co-create in four dimensions between partners: Their interior individual "I" mind/feelings and "We" collective cultural conditioning, and their exterior "It" individual body/behavior and (Its)...

In a dialog with Allan Combs, Ken Wilber gave four definitions for Integral: 1. To be Integrally informed. 2. A horizontal integration of the four quadrants at a particular level of consciousness. 3. The highest levels of development possible. 4. The integration of...

Of course I am kidding about "Secrets".  There are no secrets! After reading over 200 relationship books, participating in countless workshops and trainings, dating for several years (after being married twice for a total of 21 years, with four daughters), and writing...

The relationship dynamic that develops between partners beyond the fulfillment of the individuals' Primary Fantasy is determined by the developmental potentials that all adults possess.  To better grasp how these multiple dimensions interconnect and affect the quality...

As we evolve as humans, so do our love relationships. At this point of our human history we can map out eight stages: 1. In the most fundamental form, love relationships are driven by basic survival instincts: food, shelter and sex. Our primary sexual selection...

Almost 150 people participated in last weeks survey about monogamy vs. non-monogamy and many provided additional perspectives. Thank you to all of you! Mono Non-Mono Mono Mono Non-Mono Non-Mono Celibacy Celibacy Celibacy Other Level...

#4 of 12 Values for Integral Relationship Evolutionaries: We use our relationship for ongoing mutual learning, healing, growing, and awakening towards the capacity to love unconditionally.   Learning about the world, yourself and your partner by staying curious,...

My first suggestion is to begin the conversation by being curious about what others think and feel, and to actively listen without judging, projecting, and forming answers in our head. Most people are more open to hear you when they first feel heard and understood by...

With transcend I mean to go beyond, while reasonably including. With primary fantasy, a term I first read in Warren Farrell's book Why Men Are the Way They Are, I mean the biological hardwiring of heterosexual males to desire young(er) sexy females with smooth skin,...

I spent the New Year's weekend 2011/2012 with over 300 Evolutionaries from around the world at the Integral Spiritual Experience #3 in Asilomar, CA and had a blast!  Our theme was "Kosmic Creativity -- because life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating...

Value #1 of 12 Values for Integral Relationship Evolutionaries: We choose to love instead of something that happens to us or that we attract. A few weeks after publishing Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men in 2010, I received a flyer with "10 Core Values for...

After publishing Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men, I heard Evolutionary Enlightenment Guru Andrew Cohen and Beyond Awakening teacher Terry Patten speak live. Until then, I felt caught in a state of presence, surrender, acceptance, and non-resistance (generally...

#2 of 12 Values for Integral Relationship Evolutionaries: "We see the depth of our heart and soul connection as well as the level of humility and devotion to our relationship as an indicator of our psychological health and spiritual realization." With heart connection...

1. It takes two people to co-create a love relationship, but only one person to end it. 2. Men (statistically) suffer more after breakups and divorces than women*. 3. Men generally benefit more from being in a committed love relationship/marriage than women do**, but...

In an Integral Evolutionary Relationship, both partners are at an Integral or higher level of consciousness and share (1) what they love to do/feel called to do, (2) what they do well, (3) what the world needs, and (4) what the world will pay for--their Evolutionary...

Because he/she does not feel safe with you or does not trust you to be able to hear his or her truth without rejecting, judging, or punishing. People may also lie to themselves and others out of shame, fear, or guilt. Telling the truth can be a very vulnerable and...

After my friend Bill McCart took a look at The 12 Core Values for Integral Relationship Evolutionaries he pointed out that the last one, "We engage in sacred/tantric sexuality and practice monogamy out of choice instead of fear" implies that all people at an Integral...

The first step is to realize that all spiritual and personal development unfolds through multiple states and stages. Second, it is helpful to learn what these state-stages are. Third, it is important to understand the difference between waking up and growing up, and...

I am very honored that world-renowned artists Alex and Allyson Grey invited me to contribute an article about the Dialectic of Love to their COSM Journal of Visionary Culture #10 about LOVE. You can order your copy...

The first step is to realize that you have a Biological Purpose that you share with all other living creatures. It determines who you are physically attracted to and compatible with in your lifestyle choices. The second step is to get clarity about your psychological...

Why do I attract people with negative energy and mentally sick people in my relationships in recent years? How can I attract the right partner for a soulmate relationship? Why have I attracted what I've attracted so far in my life?First of all, the fact that we were...

The sex hormones testosterone, estrogen and dopamine, and the associated neurotransmitters that act upon the nucleus accumbens, regulate libido in humans. These chemicals are either naturally released so that we experience lust and desire to make babies, or heightened...

You seem to refer to the “Red Pill manosphere community”. Without taking sides and going into details, I think the dialectic of co-creation between males and females is clearly shifting. This is necessary for a new synthesis to emerge that gives males and females...

You are not alone. Singles who yearn for a partner and couples who experience relationship stress often feel that nobody loves them, or that they are not lovable and that there is something wrong with them; and that includes me at times. Of course, this is not true....

While there may be minor gender differences that I list below, effective communication with the same or opposite sex depends largely on the level of consciousness development, the perspective, and the feminine or masculine energy of the person you want to talk to (his...

By focusing on what is alive and co-created between you and your partner in all dimensions of your being at the level of your seven chakras. The first step is that you and your partner become fully aware of your surroundings, body sensations, thoughts, feelings, and...

You are probably very self-reliant and take responsibility for every single issue that appears in your life, so you don’t really need anyone. When it comes to your own feelings, needs, and desires, you barely pay attention to them and rarely express them. Your...

I think one of Immanuel Kant's categorical imperatives; “so act as to treat humanity, whether in your own person or in another, always as an end, and never as only a means” applies to your question. Because our needs and wants, and the ability or willingness of our...

Love and relationships between humans are always conditional, because, unlike animals like penguins, we are self-conscious and have developing minds with changing needs and desires. True and permanent, or unconditional love, only exists as a potential when we become...

There are universal or being needs (expectations) such as safety, trust, care, love, understanding, curiosity, acceptance, freedom, etc. that humans have and often expect their partner to fulfill. If a couple loves each other, they happily meet their partner’s needs...

It may not be important to you personally, but it is important for the rest of us. Like all living beings, you already live the essential parts of your purpose; to survive, to join groups, and to seek the best possible quality of life or happiness. Finding and living...

By realizing that (1) everybody is right from their own perspective and level of development (view), (2) by being curious about their view, and (3) by accepting that not everybody can understand or relate to your view. With perspective I mean can you and the person...

This is a common problem for people who are more evolved/understanding than their partner. We can often understand the needs, values and worldviews of our partner, but he or she can not see and accept ours. This is because the Ego, our self identity and separate sense...

Your soul is like the seed of a plant. It holds your full human potential, just like an acorn holds the potential to grow into an oak tree. Soulmates uniquely see each other's full human potentials and complement and challenge each other to realize it. These...

Let me first remind you that feminine and masculine polarities can be equally embodied by males and females. Each of them has healthy and unhealthy expressions. Even though there may be certain genetic predispositions for men and women to be either more masculine or...

The first false belief that you may hold is to think that happiness and joy will come from the outside. This may be true for short-term pleasures, but they often either create long-term suffering and are difficult to control. A mindful meditation practice will allow...

Most women are attracted to men with power and wealth. I never heard a woman say I want a partner who is weak, poor, and needy. This poses a paradox for women and men, as most powerful men eventually also want to have power over their partner. This is especially true...

As John Lennon said and we all experience right now, “life is happening while we make other plans.” So in that sense, we cannot build our future. The things that had the biggest impact on my life, such as meeting my wife and mother of my three children, finding a...

By realizing that being alive in itself is a miracle and by opening up to all the possibilities and invitations that you are presented with from moment to moment. Unfortunately, the Ego, our separate and false sense of self, sees life as a problem, as lacking, as...

This is a great question, especially in these times of uncertainty and transformation. Many studies show that humans who live their purpose and are in happy love relationships are most healthy and fulfilled. There are three broad layers of purpose that also define who...

We all have needs. Some have been identified as universal being-needs, such as sustenance, safety, affection, understanding, trust, or freedom. Others are more individual, for example acceptance, beauty, empathy, contribution, or companionship. I can send you a list...

A good strategy is to first accept the situation that you are in, no matter what it may be. There is no need to label it good or bad. It is what it is. Take a few deep breaths and feel into the aliveness of your body. No matter what your situation and fears may be,...

My first intuition about your question is if you have a serious relationship with yourself? With that I mean, do you know what your needs, interests, passions, purpose and dreams for the future are, and why you want to be in a relationship? The answer usually falls...

The problem is that you are identified with your thoughts that are mostly about the past and future, instead of the present. The solution is not to stop thinking or to change what you are thinking, but to become aware of your mind and thoughts in the present moment....

We all have an immunity to change. This is usually a good thing, just as our biological immune system is. It detects and fights bacteria and viruses that are harmful to our body and keeps us safe. Problems arise when the immune system is weak or does not recognise...