By realizing that (1) everybody is right from their own perspective and level of development (view), (2) by being curious about their view, and (3) by accepting that not everybody can understand or relate to your view. With perspective I mean can you and the person you communicate with only hold a first person subjective, or also an second person inter-subjective, or third person objective, or even a fourth person inter-objective perspective.

With level of development I mean are you and the person you communicate with at a survival, magic, egocentric, conformist, rational, sensitive, integral, or transpersonal stage. Up through the sensitive level, people can only communicate from their particular level. Integral people can communicate at every level and hold all four perspectives. Transpersonal people can also communicate beyond their ego, which means they typically don’t defend their views. So you want to be at an integral or higher level. This gives you three options: One, to adjust to the perspective and level that your interlocutor (the person you speak with) can hear and understand. Two, to speak from your view and risk not to be heard, understood and accepted. Three, to end the conversation as soon as a conflict arises by saying “thank you, I understand you.” These three options usually work well in casual relationships. In close, and especially romantic love relationships, it is important to be with someone who can share your multiple perspectives and level of development.


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