You are not alone. Singles who yearn for a partner and couples who experience relationship stress often feel that nobody loves them, or that they are not lovable and that there is something wrong with them; and that includes me at times. Of course, this is not true. There is nothing essentially wrong with us that can’t be changed. I am not a big fan of (narcissistic) self-love and new-age ideas that we should be whole and complete in ourselves and not need or want anyone to love us. But there is also a kernel of truth in it, especially if we don’t allow others to love us, or if they feel overwhelmed and drained when they sense a neediness in us, because of our lack of healthy self-love, self-esteem, and self-acceptance. As a result, our lives may feel loveless, barren and empty. We then experience a sense of being lost and alone, small and insignificant, and failing to thrive in life, while waiting for others to rescue and love us. To change this pattern, and to create a healthy romantic love relationship, we can learn to love ourselves deeply and unconditionally; even the parts that we don’t feel good about. Understanding the needs of our souls will give us the chance to nurture them, so that we can flourish by cultivating our unique talents, developing ourselves, and realizing our full potentials. Soon we will understand that we are a product of universal love and share the love we have for ourselves and life and receive love in return. If we don’t make this change, it will continue to be difficult for others to recognize and love us truly.

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