The first false belief that you may hold is to think that happiness and joy will come from the outside. This may be true for short-term pleasures, but they often either create long-term suffering and are difficult to control. A mindful meditation practice will allow you to turn inward, become fully present in the now, and experience the wonder, gratitude and joy of being alive. A mindfulness practice will also allow you to deal with underlying psychological reasons that I can only speculate about here. As a child you may have only been appreciated and loved when you helped and supported others (and maybe punished if you didn’t). When you asked for your own needs to be met, you may have been seen as selfish or needy, or you had expectations to get what others did and were disappointed. So you always gave more than you received and now you often can’t say no. You are also afraid to ask for what you desire, because you deeply fear to be rejected. It may even be to the point that when others try to make you happy and joyful that you push them away, because you feel that you would owe them more in return or become dependent on them. So you are in a vicious circle. Your heart has a deep longing to be loved unconditionally and cared for, and on the other hand has a deep fear of being rejected and disappointed. Does this ring true? If yes, drop me a note and I can send you a more detailed description of this pattern (in English), and if you like work with you to get over it.