My first suggestion is to begin the conversation by being curious about what others think and feel, and to actively listen without judging, projecting, and forming answers in our head. Most people are more open to hear you when they first feel heard and understood by you first. You verify this by saying; what I heard you say is… , and are you feeling… ? Second, you may want to clarify beforehand what your interests and desired outcomes for the conversation are, and not only state your positions and make demands. Third, depending on what you want to express, finding the right time and place can be crucial, so again, asking can help (I would like to talk with you about … what would be a good time and place for you?) Fourth, most people are more open to hear you if you express vulnerable feelings and not only thoughts. This of course requires that you are in touch with your feelings. Finally, if you still don’t feel heard and understood, or if you are judged and rejected, your partner may be at a different level of emotional and consciousness development. Being at an Integral or higher level of consciousness allows you to either adjust your communication to the level of your partner, or to kindly end it, as what you say is over his or her head, and there is no way that he or she can understand you.


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