Man: I now realize that I stopped being romantic when I no longer ………. instead of showing my love and care for you by ….. (think of love languages).
I am very sorry and feel ….. when this confused, disappointed and scared you. Going forward I will ….. (think about her love languages and creative ideas how to show your love and be romantic again.)
Woman: I now realize that I started to complain about .... instead of celebrating and encouraging you when I perceived you as stopping being romantic. I am very sorry and feel ….. for shaming you this way. Going forward I will ….. (think about telling him how you want to be loved, what you need, and appreciating/celebrating him for what he does for you.)
Man: I now realize that I was trying to fix things (or you) when I perceived you as complaining, instead of empathically listening to you. I am very sorry and feel ….. when this upset and frustrated you. Going forward I will …… (think making time for asking her questions, listening to her empathetically, have intimate conversations, sharing withholds, etc.)
Woman: I now realize that I started nagging you about …. when I was frustrated when I felt a lag of attention, empathy and care from you instead of being curious. I am very sorry and feel ….. for shaming you this way. Going forward I will ….. (think giving him a list of things that you want him to do for you and making doable requests that are clear in time and place.)
Man: I now realize that I was withdrawing into my cave by …… when I perceived you as nagging, instead of trying to understand and meet your needs and desires that would have made you felt loved and cared for. I am very sorry and feel ….. when this hurt and scared you. Going forward I will …… (think telling her that you sometimes need a time-out and that you will come back and listen to her and share your own feelings and needs.)
Woman: I now realize that I was shaming you when you came out of your cave by ….. instead of giving you space and welcoming you back with love, care and encouragement. I am very sorry and feel ….. for shaming you this way. Going forward I will …… (think welcoming him back with love and showing curiosity and care).
Man: I now realize that I was (passive) aggressive by …… when I perceived you as shaming me for withdrawing instead of holding you and reaffirming our love and my commitment to us. I am very sorry and feel ….. when this hurt and scared you. Going forward I will (think owning and “presencing” your anger instead of projecting it outward, and looking at your underlying unmet needs--see false identity process.)
Woman: I now realize that I was emasculating you when you were (passive) aggressive by ….. instead of understanding what triggered you, showing empathy and support you in your healing process. I am very sorry and feel ….. for shaming you this way. Going forward I will (think making amends by ….. “handing back his balls” and looking at your own unmet needs and underlying wounds that caused you to provoke and degrade him this way).
Man: I now realize that I was deeply hurting you when I was (sexually) cheating on you by ….. instead of sharing my shame, loneliness, and frustration with you and finding a way out together with you. I am deeply sorry and feel ….. for betraying, hurting and scaring you this way, and making you lose your trust in me. Going forward I will …. (think taking the risk of being vulnerable by using self-validating intimacy, even if that will mean to lose her, because you realize that being authentic and truthful is the only way to create intimacy and a healthy love relationship with her.)
Woman: I now realize that I was going behind your back when I complaint about you and our relationship by telling others about ….. instead of having the courage to share my feelings and fears with you directly. I am very sorry and feel ….. for not trusting you to be strong enough to hear my deepest truth and fears, and for shaming you this way by telling others and trusting them more. Going forward I will …. (think taking the risk of being vulnerable by using self-validating intimacy, even if that will mean to lose him, because I realize that being authentic and truthful is the only way to create intimacy and a healthy love relationship with him.)