• Experience the unconditional love, oneness, acceptance, and surrender that we can feel in the present moment with everything that arises in our awareness, including other human beings.
This first step of our exploration will provide you with an experience of the spiritual dimension out of which all love relationships in the manifest world emerge.
The four dimensions of our being:
• Learn how our interior awareness, physical body, cultural conditioning, and social environment (a.k.a. The Four Quadrants) are all essential dimensions of our humanness.
• Explore in individual, dyadic, and group work how these four dimensions tetra-arise and correlate with each other.
• See how these four dimensions impact all our relationships by looking at each of them from a first-person subjective “me”, second-person intersubjective “you/we”, third-person objective “it” and forth-person inter-objective “its” perspective.
This will allow you to examine your own relationships and those of others through these four lenses, to start or deepen an Integral Life Practice that will be interwoven throughout this training, and to support the healthy development in each of these four dimensions as the foundation for any healthy love relationship.
Always partial, already whole:
• Realize that we as humans, as all other organisms, are always partial to our social and cultural environment, and already whole in ourselves.
• Practice how to balance and harmonize this simultaneous whole/partialness in each of the four essential dimensions/quadrants of our humanness through self-transcendence, self-immanence, agency and communion.
• Understand how our capacity to integrate these seemingly paradoxical opposites leads to avoidant, anxious and secure attachment styles, and how they are different for individuals and groups.
These insights will allow you to support the co-creation of healthy relationships at the level of body, mind, heart, and soul/spirit by setting them into a cultural and social context.
The good, true and beautiful:
• Examine the deep philosophical questions of “the good”, “the true” and “the beautiful” from a relational perspective as values, of “must have”, “would like”, “can tolerate”, and “can’t stand” in a love relationship.
• Determine which interests and passions (or developmental lines) need to be compatible or complimentary in kind and degree for relationships to thrive.
• Understand the difference between needs and neediness, and what is healthy and legitimate versus sabotaging and unreasonable.
• Contemplate how an ongoing focus on the good and the beautiful in love relationships (and hence evolution) leads to higher truths.
Singles will be able to better identify and choose compatible partners—beyond physical attraction and “chemistry”, while couples will find ongoing ways to expand and re-invent their relationships.
Nature and nurture:
• Discuss the evolutionary nature-given differences between males and females, and the culturally constructed, learned gender roles that are nurtured through society in gender-divided and co-ed groups.
• Learn how sexual and mate selection, as well as co-creation and pro-creation have shaped our past and present, and will shape our future.
These conversations among and between the sexes will allow you to develop a deeper understanding of the similarities and differences between males and females, and to develop more tolerance and compassion that will benefit you in your own relationships and in the work with your clients.
The fear/shame downward spiral:
• Take a deep dive into the evolutionary conditioned fear/shame dynamic between males and females that has sabotaged so many relationships and learn how to break out of the downward spiral that otherwise leads relationships to crash.
• Identify where you and your partner may be on the 10 crucial points of the downward spiral that sucks the life out of so many relationships.
• Learn how to reverse the direction in the downward spiral and find back to love and romance.
These insights will allow you to see early warning-signs of the descent down the spiral and to support couples in avoiding the relationship crash.
Required Reading Material:
Ken Wilber, Terry Patten, Adam Leonard, and Marco Morelli. 2008. Integral Life Practice – A 21st Century Blueprint for Physical Health, Emotional Balance, Mental Clarity, and Spiritual Awakening. Integral BooksFisher, Helen. 2004. Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Henry Holt and Company
Farrell, Warren and Sterba, James P. 2008. Does Feminism Discriminate Against Men: A Debate. Oxford University Press.
Levine, Amir and Heller, Rachel. 2012. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love
Love, Patricia and Stosny, Steven. 2007. How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It. Broadway.
Salmon, Caterine and Symons, Donald. 2001. Warrior Lovers: Erotic Fiction, Evolution and Female Sexuality. Yale University Press
Combs, Allan. 2009. Consciousness Explained Better: Towards an Integral Understanding of the Multifaceted Nature of Consciousness. Paragon House
Ken Wilber, Parts of Sex Ecology & Spirituality ES or A Brief History of Everything that cover Holons.
Witt, Keith. 2014. Integral Mindfulness: Clueless to Dialed in – How Integral Mindful Living Makes Everything Better.