SPL-TOC

Short Table of Contents

List of Figures          xxv

List of Tables            xxxi

Acknowledgments xxxiii

Introduction             xxxvii

How I Came to Write This Book        xxxix

Chapter 1

Overview of the Integral Love Relationship (ILR) Model           1

Part 1 – Sex              11

Chapter 2 How we got here 13

Chapter 3 Four Dimensions of our Being       17

Chapter 4 Human Intelligences, Capacities and Potentials     39

Chapter 5 Levels of Growth                43

Chapter 6 States of Falling in Love   83

Chapter 7 Evaluating Personality Types        87

Chapter 8 Personality Matrix             101

Chapter 9 Coming together 107

Conclusion Part 1   135

Part 2 – Purpose     137

Chapter 10 Meaning-Making             141

Chapter 11 Biological Purpose           173

Chapter 12 Natural Talents                205

Chapter 13 Transcendental Purpose                229

Chapter 14 Sharing our Transcendental Purpose        299

Conclusion Part 2   319

Part 3 – Love            321

Chapter 15 The Dialectic of Desire    323

Chapter 16 Transcendental Love      379

Conclusion Part 3   389

Part 4 – Making the World a Better Place     391

Chapter 17 Global Challenges           393

Chapter 18 Sexual Selection, Co-Creation and Procreation      403

Chapter 19 Integral Couples Creating a Better World 447

Chapter 20 Summary and Conclusion            465

Appendix 1 Birth Rates and Society 475

Appendix 2 Birthrates and Consciousness Development         485

Bibliography            509

Endnotes   533

Index          757

Detailed Table of Contents

List of Figures           xxv

List of Tables            xxxi

Acknowledgments xxxiii

Introduction              xxxvii

How I Came to Write This Book         xxxix

Four Additional Insights      xlviii

First Insight               xlviii

Second Insight         l

Third Insight            lii

Fourth Insight          liv

Chapter 1

Overview of the Integral Love Relationship (ILR) Model           1

The Four Components the ILR Model              1

Sex               1

Purpose      3

Love             4

A Better World         5

A Note on How to Work with the Model         9

Part 1 – Sex                11

Chapter 2 How we got here 13

Chapter 3 Four Dimensions of our Being        17

The Four Quadrants               17

Experiencing the Quadrants               20

Where is your focus?              21

Quadrant Absolutism           22

Love in All Four Quadrants 22

Sexual Attraction and Primary Fantasy          24

Fear-Shame Dynamic            26

Romance and Secondary Fantasies  28

Dating         29

Always Partial Already Whole           30

Different Holons      31

Feminine/Masculine Polarities           32

Ascending 34

Descending               34

Agency       35

Communion             35

Balance and Harmonize       36

In Summary              38

Chapter 4 Human Intelligences, Capacities and Potentials      39

In Summary              41

Chapter 5 Levels of Growth 43

Consciousness Development (Colors)              43

The Eight Stages of Consciousness Development and Their Colors       45

The Six Levels of First-tier Consciousness      46

Pre-conventional stages        46

  1. Infrared—archaic—dead or alive 46
  2. Magenta—magic/superstitious—safe or unsafe 47
  3. Red—egocentric—good or bad 48

Conventional Stages              48

  1. Amber—mythic—right or wrong 49
  2. Orange—rational—win or lose 50

Post-conventional Stage        52

  1. Green—pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 52

The Two Stages of Second-tier Consciousness              54

Post-Post Conventional         54

  1. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 55
  2. Turquoise—transpersonal—wisdom and compassion 56

Summary of the Levels of Consciousness       57

Transcend and Include/Exclude        58

Compatibility Matrix             60

Spiritual Development          62

State-Stages               63

  1. Gross/Waking 64
  2. Subtle/Dreaming 65
  3. Causal/Deep Sleep 66
  4. Pure Witness 67
  5. Non-dual 68

Spiritual Bypassing                69

Development of Sexuality    69

  1. Repressed Sexuality 69
  2. Fucking 70
  3. Having Sex 70
  4. Lovemaking 71
  5. Transcendent Sex 72

Anima and Animus Complex Development 73

Stages of Anima Development in Men             74

1 Women as mother               74

2 Women as sex object           74

3 Women as wife     74

4 Women as guide to creativity and awakening           75

5 Women as equal partner   76

Stages of Animus Development in Women    76

1 Men as alien outsiders       76

2 Men as father, God, or king              77

3 Men as hero           78

4 Men as independent beings             79

5 Men as equal partners        80

In Summary              81

Chapter 6 States of Falling in Love    83

Phase 1 – Lust          83

Phase 2 – Romance                84

Phase 3 – Commitment         85

In Summary              86

Chapter 7 Evaluating Personality Types         87

NLP Types                87

Five Love Languages             88

The Enneagram       89

The Nine Enneagram Types                90

  1. The reformer, judge, perfectionist 90
  2. The helper, giver, caretaker 90
  3. The achiever, performer, status seeker 90
  4. The individualist, romantic, aesthete 91
  5. The investigator, expert, thinker 91
  6. The loyalist, hero, rebel, defender 91
  7. The enthusiast, adventurer, sensationalist 91
  8. The challenger, boss, maverick 91
  9. The peacemaker, mediator, preservationist 91

The Enneagram Compatibility Combinations              92

Three Instinctual Variants   92

Self-Preservation     92

Social          93

Sexual/Attraction    93

Myers-Briggs            94

Introvert and Extrovert          94

Sensing and Intuition            95

Thinking and Feeling            95

Judging and Perceiving         95

Combinations          95

Attachment Type/Style          96

Securely attached    96

Anxiously attached                97

Avoidant    97

Anxious-Avoidant  98

Becoming Secure     99

Other Typologies     100

In Summary              100

Chapter 8 Personality Matrix              101

Stages of Consciousness       102

Feminine/Masculine              103

State/Stages               104

Types          104

What Is The Kosmic Address?            104

In Summary              105

Chapter 9 Coming together  107

Dependence and The Unconscious   108

The Unconscious Fit              111

Romancing the Unconscious              112

Personality Disorders            113

Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD)            115

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)            116

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)         117

In Relationships      119

Other Personality Disorders                121

Paranoid personality disorder (PPD)               121

Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) 122

Schizotypal Personality Disorder (STPD)       122

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD),         122

Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD)              122

Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD),          123

Obsessive–Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)                123

Numbers    123

The Eight Forms of Love       125

Combinations          129

Intensities of Love   130

Three Sets of Dual Triangles                131

Diverging Triangles               132

To Be or Not To Be — That Is the Question     132

In Summary              134

Conclusion Part 1   135

Part 2 – Purpose      137

Two kinds of purpose            139

Chapter 10 Meaning-Making              141

Three Core Beliefs   142

Creationism              143

Evolutionary Theory              145

Cosmic Evolution   146

Biological Evolution               147

Emergence of Humans          149

Evolution of Consciousness                150

Evolutionary Critique and Morality  155

Intelligent Design    158

Combinations          160

Co-Creative Impulse              161

Existentialism          166

Integrating creationism, evolutionary theory, and Intelligent Design    168

In Summary              171

Chapter 11 Biological Purpose           173

Genes and Brains    174

Your Genetic Makeup            174

Developing your Brain          176

Brain Development Before Birth         176

Brain Development After Birth           180

Synaptic Formation, Pruning, Myelination    180

The Senses 181

Top-Down and Bottom-Up  182

Experience-Expectant Learning         187

Missing Experiences              188

Serve and Return     190

Neuroplasticity        191

Synaptic Pruning    192

Pruning in the Infant Brain  192

Pruning in the Maturing Brain           193

Glitchy Pruning       194

Myelination              194

Experience-Dependent Synaptic Formation   195

Brain Development and Purpose       196

Child Development                197

Sensorimotor stage 197

Pre-operational stage             197

Concrete-operational stage  198

Formal-operational stage     199

Puberty to Death      199

Survival and Safety                200

Mating and Procreating        201

Nuclear Family        202

Seeking Quality of Life          202

End of Life 203

In Summary              203

Chapter 12 Natural Talents 205

Benefits of Living our Transcendental Purpose            205

Four Basic Natural Talents  207

Genetic Predisposition          208

Sexual Selection       208

From Animal to Human       209

Stages and Natural Talents 211

From Magic to Egocentric     212

From Egocentric to Mythic/Conformist            213

From Mythic to Rational       213

From Rational to Pluralistic                214

From Pluralistic to Integral  215

From Integral to Transpersonal          216

EICK Curve               218

Family, Social and Cultural Environment      220

Natural Talent and Gender 222

The Tree Metaphor 223

The Mountain Metaphor      226

In Summary              227

Chapter 13 Transcendental Purpose                229

Seven steps to living our Transcendental Purpose       229

Step 1: Awakening to our Transcendental Purpose     230

Spiritual vs. Purpose Awakening      232

Step 2: Removing Psychological Blocks           234

Voice Dialog             235

Big Mind Process    236

Voices of the Self      236

The Dialog 237

Immunity to Change              239

Phase 1: List your improvement goal               240

Phase 2: Identify behaviors that keep you from your goal         240

Phase 3: Discover your competing commitments        241

Phase 4: Identify your big assumptions           241

Making use of what you’ve learned  241

Step 3: Identifying Natural Talents and Purpose          242

Natural Talents and Core Beliefs       242

Creationists               242

Evolutionary Theorists          242

Intelligent Design    243

Four Types of Purpose Discovery Methods    244

Method Type 1: Autobiographical Methods   244

Method Type 2: Absent Methods       246

Purpose Guiding Process     247

Care of the Soul        247

Prepare for the Journey          247

Default Purpose       248

Discern your Purpose            248

Encountering Resistance      248

Evolutionary Spirituality      249

Soul-Quest Preparation         249

Receiving Soul         249

High Definition Purpose (The Giveaway)       250

Acting Purposefully               250

Soul-Quest Incorporation     250

Embodiment             250

Theory U    251

Eight Principles of Presencing            253

Conclusion                256

Method Type 3: Ego-Transcending Methods 256

God’s Purpose         258

God’s Will 261

Evolutions Purpose                263

Nature’s Purpose    264

Essential Purpose   266

Method Type 4: Ego-Affirming Methods         268

Light’s Purpose       269

Universe’s Purpose                271

Multitude of Expressions     273

Mind Map 277

Step 4: Developing Skills      278

Step 5: Serving Needs and Providing Value   280

Providing Value      283

Step 6: Increasing Impact     284

Altitude      285

Depth          286

Gross           286

Subtle          287

Causal        288

Pure Witness            289

Non-Dual  289

Calling        290

No Calling 290

Called to Maintain  291

Called to Innovate   291

Called to Invent       292

Conclusion                293

Step 7: Identifying Stages of Maturity               293

In Summary              296

Chapter 14 Sharing our Transcendental Purpose        299

Creating Synergy     300

Synergy Between Quadrants               300

Synergy Between Feminine and Masculine Polarities                303

Balancing and Harmonizing              306

Synergy Between Complementary Natural Talents     307

Valid Claims            309

Vision-Mission-Values-Goals-Strategy            311

Vision         311

Mission      311

Values         312

Goals           315

Strategy      315

Action Items             316

Evaluation Check Points      316

Consequences          316

Now What?               316

In Summary              317

Conclusion Part 2   319

Part 3 – Love             321

Chapter 15 The Dialectic of Desire    323

Transactional Dialectic of Love          324

The Chakra-Consciousness Lattice   328

Chakras, Levels, and Quadrants        329

1st Root Chakra Female Desire – Survival       332

Fear-Shame Dynamic            335

Unconscious             336

2nd Sacrum Chakra Male Desire – Sex            336

Fear-Shame               339

Unconscious             340

First – Second Chakra Co-Creation    340

3rd Solarplexus Chakra Female Desire – Safety and Significance          340

Fear/ Shame              344

Unconscious             345

4th Heart Chakra male desire – Compassion and Appreciation             345

Fear-Shame               349

Unconscious             349

Third – Fourth Chakra Co-Creation  349

5th Throat Chakra Female Desire – Creativity                350

Fear-Shame               353

Unconscious             354

6th Third Eye Chakra Male Desire – Wisdom and Intuition     354

Fear-Shame               357

Unconscious             358

Fifth – Sixth Chakra Co-Creation       358

7th Crown Chakra – Unity    359

Fear-Shame               365

Fear-Shame               365

Unconscious             365

Seventh Chakra Co-Creation               366

Balancing Feminine/Masculine Polarities Along the Seven Chakras    366

Root “Survival” Chakra        366

Sacrum “Sexual” Chakra     367

Solarplexus “Power” Chakra              367

Heart “Compassion” Chakra             368

Throat “Creative” Chakra    369

Sixth “Wisdom” Chakra      369

Seventh “Unity” Chakra       370

Capacity to love       370

Master-Slave Relationships 373

In Summary              377

Chapter 16 Transcendental Love       379

First and Second Chakra      381

Third and Fourth Chakra     382

Fifth and Sixth Chakra          383

Seventh Chakra       384

In Summary              386

Conclusion Part 3   389

Part 4 – Making the World a Better Place        391

Chapter 17 Global Challenges            393

  1. Sustainable development and climate change 394
  2. Clean Water 395
  3. Population and resources 395
  4. Democratization 395
  5. Global foresight and decision-making 396
  6. Global convergence of IT 396
  7. Rich – poor gap 397
  8. Health issues 397
  9. Education and learning 397
  10. Peace and conflict 398
  11. Status of women 399
  12. Transnational organized crime 399
  13. Energy 400
  14. Science and technology 400
  15. Global Ethics 401

In Summary              401

Chapter 18 Sexual Selection, Co-Creation and Procreation       403

Sexual Selection Revisited    403

Sex and Progress     405

Archaic Infrared      406

Problem      406

Solution: Magic Magenta      406

New Problems         407

Solution: Egocentric Red       407

New Problems:        409

Solution: Mythic Amber        409

New Problems         411

Solution: Rational Orange    412

New Problems         419

Solution: Pluralistic Green   419

New Problems         422

Solution: Integral Teal           423

New Problems         424

Adaptation                425

Birthrates and Center of Gravity        427

Raising Consciousness through Magical Thinking     429

Social Atomism and Macro Subject  431

Lifeworld and System           432

Bulwark against Encroachment         433

Holons Revisited     435

Size, Span, and Depth           437

Size              438

Span            438

Depth          439

Depth of Individual and Social Holons           440

Collapse of Societies               444

In Summary              444

Chapter 19 Integral Couples Creating a Better World 447

Things that are Getting Better, Things that are Getting Worse 447

Things that are seemingly getting better          448

Things that are seen as getting worse               449

Primacy of Co-Creating and Procreating Couples        450

Holonic Structures Redefined             450

Evolving Integral Couples    454

Communicative Action         456

Integrated Compassionate Rational Communicative Action Model      459

In Summary              462

Chapter 20 Summary and Conclusion            465

Sex               465

Purpose      467

Love             468

A Better World         469

Conclusion                473

Appendix 1 Birth Rates and Society 475

World-Population   478

Over-aging Societies               483

Appendix 2 Birthrates and Consciousness Development         485

Birthrates and Income           485

Education, IQ and Fertility Rates       488

Fertility Rates and Political/Religious Affiliations       501

Bibliography             509

Endnotes    533

Index           757

List of Figures (Click here for all Figures/Images)

Figure 1. Sex, purpose and love creating a better world        xxxix

Figure 2. Man surveying the heavens as the planet disintegrates     xliii

Figure 3. Sex component of the ILR model                2

Figure 4. Purpose component of the ILR model      3

Figure 5. Love component of the ILR model             5

Figure 6. Making the world a better place – the final component of the ILR model     6

Figure 7. The Entire ILR Model     8

Figure 8. Review of the Sex component of the ILR model     12

Figure 9. The four quadrants of the AQAL Model  17

Figure 10. The four quadrants in Relationships      23

Figure 11. Primary Sexual Fantasy Dynamic           26

Figure 12. Fear-Shame Downward Spiral 27

Figure 13. Example showing nested holons             31

Figure 14. The four polarities        33

Figure 15. Joke about divergent psychological complexity of men and women           59

Figure 16. Male-female dynamic in consciousness growth 60

Figure 17. The Enneagram             90

Figure 18. Attachment Styles         98

Figure 19. The Personality Matrix—allowing you to map your development               102

Figure 20. The Four Quadrants Revisited  108

Figure 21. The passion/intimacy/dependence Triangle        125

Figure 22. The eight forms of love                126

Figure 23. Each lover experiences the combination of passion, intimacy, and dependence.    130

Figure 24. Examples of differently shaped triangles of love                131

Figure 25. Examples showing two triangles overlaid to evaluate the form and quality of love that is experienced          131

Figure 26. Review of Purpose component of the ILR model                138

Figure 27. Gallup Poll showing different views about origin and development of humans    142

Figure 28. A current view of the temporal and geographical distribution of hominid populations.      150

Figure 29. Parts of the human brain            178

Figure 30. Optical illusion of straight vs crooked lines         183

Figure 31. Photo of Lincoln’s face, inverted              184

Figure 32. Photo of Lincoln’s face flipped right-side up       185

Figure 33. Optical illusion of two arrows  186

Figure 34. Optical illusion – young woman and old woman in a single image            187

Figure 35. Critical periods in brain development   189

Figure 36. Synaptic formation and pruning in the brain      193

Figure 37. Synapse formation       196

Figure 38. Age-related decline in formation of synapses      196

Figure 39. Brain plasticity and development           199

Figure 40. EICK curve as mountain metaphor         220

Figure 41. Tree metaphor with nature, nurture, skill development and expressions  225

Figure 42. The EICK curve as mountain metaphor with differently developed skills 227

Figure 43. Otto Scharmer model from Theory U     251

Figure 44. Scharmer and Kaufman – disconnects in humanity          252

Figure 45. Scharmer’s Theory U process   255

Figure 46. Sample mind map        277

Figure 47. Performance variation explained by deliberate practice  279

Figure 48. Plotkin’s eight soulcentric stages of human development               295

Figure 49. Four dimensions of Transcendental Purpose      301

Figure 50. The four quadrants revisited     302

Figure 51. Polarities and balance 306

Figure 52. EICK curve of partner one          309

Figure 53. EICK curve of partner two          309

Figure 54. Combined EICK curve of couple              309

Figure 55. Review of the Love component of the ILR model                322

Figure 56. Asymmetric Dialectic of Transactional Love       327

Figure 57. Chakras, human evolution and quadrants          330

Figure 58. Connecting with a partner at all chakras              381

Figure 59. Transcendental Love relationships         386

Figure 60. Review of Making the world a better place – the final component of the ILR model               392

Figure 61. Global challenges of our time   393

Figure 62. Dynamic of sexual selection      404

Figure 63. Nomadic tribes populating the planet   408

Figure 64. Couples balancing and harmonizing polarities 411

Figure 65. Population growth over time    412

Figure 66. Life expectancy over time           413

Figure 67. Planetary population over time                414

Figure 68. Demographic Transition Model               415

Figure 69. Societal models correlated with birth rates           416

Figure 70. Primary sexual fantasy dynamic             417

Figure 71. Couples co-creating fewer families with fewer children  418

Figure 72. Unsustainable communities     422

Figure 73. Integral communities  424

Figure 74. Graph showing adaptation and population from Archaic to Integral        425

Figure 75. Populations in various stages of evolution           428

Figure 76. Model of the connection between individuals, families, communities and system                435

Figure 77. Social and individual holons    437

Figure 78. Social holons and size 438

Figure 79. Social holons and span               439

Figure 80. Holons and depth         440

Figure 81. Individual and social holons in the world           442

Figure 82. Flourishing social holons           443

Figure 83. Holons in collapsing societies  444

Figure 84. Things that are getting better (Glenn and Florescu)           448

Figure 85. Things that are getting worse (Glenn and Florescu)          449

Figure 86. The “elephant curve” – income distribution over time     450

Figure 87. Assigning greatest depth to loving couples          452

Figure 88. Couples and holonic structures               453

Figure 89. Co-creating a new “social holon” through a committed monogamous Integral love relationship    455

Figure 90. Integrated Compassionate Rational Communicative Action Model            460

Figure 91. Communicative Action at the level of all seven chakras  461

Figure 92. Sex component of the ILR model             467

Figure 93. Purpose component of the ILR model    468

Figure 94. Love component of the ILR model           469

Figure 95. Making the world a better place – the final component of the ILR model   471

Figure 96. The Entire ILR Model   473

Figure 97. Couples with only one child correlated with the share of men caring for children 477

Figure 98. Couples with two or more children correlated with the share of men caring for children    477

Figure 99. Average number of children per woman across the world             478

Figure 100. Change in worldwide population growth over time       479

Figure 101. Three scenarios proposed by the United Nations for future population growth    479

Figure 102:.Population change for each continent over time              480

Figure 103. Change in fertility rates over time         481

Figure 104. Change in fertility rates in the US by race over time        481

Figure 105. Average of marriage and childbearing                482

Figure 106. Demographic changes in various countries over time   483

Figure 107. Fertility rates and energy consumption               484

Figure 108. US birthrate broken down by income   486

Figure 109. Economic mobility by income                486

Figure 110. Intergenerational income mobility        487

Figure 111. Daughters’ economic mobility for lower income Americans       487

Figure 112. Sons’ economic mobility for lower income Americans  488

Figure 113. Education and rates of childlessness   489

Figure 114. Change in SAT scores over time, broken down by race  489

Figure 115. SAT reading score broken down by parental income     490

Figure 116. SAT math score broken down by parental income          490

Figure 117. SAT writing score broken down by parental income      491

Figure 118. SAT reading score broken down by parental education level      491

Figure 119. SAT math score broken down by parental education level           492

Figure 120. SAT writing score broken down by parental education 492

Figure 121. How people self-identify as middle class           493

Figure 122. Income broken down by parents’ income at their children’s birth              494

Figure 123. Income of people who grew up near good schools          495

Figure 124. College completion rates broken down by income          496

Figure 125. Percentage of children attending college, broken down by parent income group  497

Figure 126. Children’s educational status versus parental educational status             498

Figure 127. Percentage of children attending elite colleges versus parental income   499

Figure 128. Legacy admission rates for top schools in the US            500

Figure 129. Odds of children achieving higher education levels than their parents, by country             501

Figure 130. Fertility rates vs conservative values    502

Figure 131. Marriage rates vs conservative values 503

Figure 132. Religious values and fertility rates        504

Figure 133. Fertility rates by religious affiliation     505

Figure 134. Projected trends in worldwide population growth          506

Figure 135. Projected change in US religious affiliations 2010-2050                507

Figure 136. A summary of spiritual levels in world religions            508

List of Tables (Click here for all Tables)

Table 1. Developmental stages, their colors, and proportions of U.S. population        58

Table 2. Compatibility Matrix for men and women at different levels of consciousness development 61

Table 3. Sample of identifying behaviors that keep you from your goals        240

Table 4. Human needs    281

Table 5. Needs and satisfiers         282

Table 6. List of capacities, values, and ideals           314

Table 7. Chakra-Consciousness Lattice     329

Table 8. Chakras and transcendental love                385

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