Day 4:

Pushing buttons you have not installed:

Understand five forms of the unconscious and how they create different forms of attraction, attachment, conflict and healing/growth opportunities in love relationships.

Support your clients by revealing false identities and shadow elements by bringing them into the light.Learn and practice a process that you can utilize and share with your clients to identify false identities/shadow elements that are projected onto their partner.

This practice will allow you to deepen compassion and intimacy between you and others, and to guide your clients through a process that they can apply in their own relationships on an ongoing basis.

What is your Attachment Style:

Learn about five forms of attachment and how they impact your relationships.
Explore how your childhood experiences created your attachment style.
Understand how creating a coherent narrative allows you to manage your non-secure attachment patterns.
Practice meta-cognition to move towards secure attachment.

You are killing me:

Learn to identify certain personality disorders that make relationships between evolved empaths and partners with personality disorders so exciting and devastating.
Practice how to show compassion and set healthy boundaries.
Understand the 22 stages of decline and how to recover from a devastating love relationship.

Perfect love, imperfect relationships:

Choose to fall and stay in love with a compatible partner who is good for you in a co-created healthy, sustainable relationship by successfully navigating states (or phases) of lust, attraction, infatuation, uncertainty, courtship, curiosity, romance, exclusivity, jealousy, heart-brokenness, intimacy, boredom, attachment and commitment that couples may experience differently in time, kind and degree over the course of their union.
Understand the impact of the different hormones that accompany and impact many of these phases.
Guide your clients through the phases/states that every love relationship evolves through. Help them to determine in which phase they and their partner are at any given time so that they can stay in sync with each other.
Integrate head, heart and gut on the path to a lasting and rewarding love relationship.
Provide feedback if it is wise to continue or to end the exploration of a love relationship.
Realize the importance of Intimacy, Passion and Commitment at similar levels in kind and degree for a healthy, sustainable love relationship, indicated by the “Triangle of Love”.
These insights will allow you to help clients to stay focused on the ongoing development and deepening of their healthy love relationships through curiosity and mindfulness in all its phases, or to end their journeys with love and understanding if their relationships are no longer evolving. You will be able to guide them when differences emerge and hormones and emotions rush in to sabotage what could be otherwise a wonderful partnership.

Suggested Reading Material:

Psaris, Jett and Lyons, S. Marlena. 2000. Undefended Love: The way you felt about yourself when you first fell in love is the way you can feel all the time. New Harbinger Publications.
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love (2012) Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy (2020) Jessica Fern
The Developing Mind, Second Edition: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (2015) Daniel J. Siegel
The Neurobiology of “We”: How Relationships, the Mind, and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (Sounds True Audio Learning Course) Unabridged Edition (2008) Daniel Siegel M.D.
Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair Hardcover (2016) Daniel P. Brown PhD, David S. Elliott PhD
Attachment in Psychotherapy (2015) David J. Wallin
Malach Pines, Ayala. 2005. Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose. Routledge.
Thomas, Katherine Woodward. 2004. Calling in “The One”: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life. Three Rivers Press

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