Ground-breaking work
“Martin Ucik has continued his ground-breaking work in applying Integral Theory to the whole complex issue of relationships. Like his first book in this area, it is fully grounded in Integral Theory, and continues adding new, interesting, and relevant material to it, to bring a truly up-to-date overview of today’s relationships and how to make them work from the very highest potentials possible. Some of it is controversial, but that’s what you expect from any truly great pioneering approaches, and this is certainly that. Given the fractured and fragmented state of relationships as they exist now, nothing is more important for today than a truly comprehensive and inclusive and leading-edge guide. Highly recommended for men and women alike who are looking for a relationship today that will actually last. One thing is for sure—not taking into account all the information, insights, and wisdom that is contained in this book is to almost guarantee any relationship will not last. So check this out, you’ll be very glad you did!”

Ken Wilber

The Religion of Tomorrow

Beautiful Book!
“Martin Ucik has given us another beautiful book on love relationships, including along the way many insights about integral living as well.”

Allan Combs, Ph.D.

CIIS Professor of Consciousness Studies, President of The Society for Consciousness Studies, Editor: CONSCIOUSNESS: Ideas and Research for the 21st Century

Countless Perspectives
“The Integral approach is all about multiple perspectives. The more ways we can experience each moment, the more complete our view and the more choices we have. Many studies have found that satisfying relationships are the main contributors to happiness, and that modern intimacy is challenging.  Sex, Purpose, Love: Couples in Integral Relationships Creating a Better World provides countless perspectives and insights, organized around the Integral model to help individuals and couples grow in their abilities to love and serve throughout a lifetime. Highly recommended!”

Keith Witt, Ph.D.

Author of Integral Mindfulness: From Clueless to Dialed-In, and Shadow Light: Illuminations at the Edge of Darkness

Bodhisattvic, scholarly and passionate
“Martin Ucik’s new book is a great gift for all of us who are struggling to make sense of self and relationships in an increasingly chaotic and tribal world.His passion, compassion and sincerity are weaved into every sentence. It’s so palpable to me. As a librarian I love to spread the good word and I can’t wait to spread it far and wide. Martin has brought Integral theory down-to-earth where it is needed the most. Sex Purpose Love is a bodhisattvic, scholarly and passionate blend of wisdom from the East and West, from the sacred and scientific, and from the intrinsic and extrinsic that can help tremendously in making our tribal as well as our transcendental unconscious conscious, and thereby developing our highest but often unrealized human potentials for loving sincerely, and living meaningfully–and inspiring others to do the same.”

Nomi Naeem

Senior Librarian, Central Brooklyn Public Library, Integral New York

Bold Utopian Vision
“I have always believed that for romantic and sexual relationships to flourish and be truly enduring, it was essential that both parties share the same hopes, values and existential aspirations. In Sex Purpose Love Martin Ucik lays out a bold utopian vision in which integrally inspired romantic couples who share both biological and transcendental purpose, endeavor to bond at all levels. What is driving their tantric passions is not merely a quest for personal fulfillment but the highest aspiration: that their radical and inclusive union/communion can form the enlightened nuclei or building blocks of a better, more evolved world to come.

This evolutionary manifesto is both a detailed guide book and a compelling argument that brings to light our unexamined beliefs, assumptions, hidden hopes and fears about sex and love. Boldly, Ucik has paved new and exciting territory into the captivating world of the possible for us all.”

Andrew Cohen

Founder of Evolutionary Enlightenment

A Salutary Read
“Sex Purpose Love sheds new light on intimate relations. In his new book, Martin Ucik builds a bridge between a Californian way of feeling and the continental philosophy of life. A really instructive and salutary read!”

Dr. Ferdinand Fellmann

Prof. Emeritus for Philosophy at Chemnitz University and author of The Couple: Intimate Relations in a New Key

Sweeping Opus
“Martin Ucik has produced a sweeping opus and seminal meta-analysis regarding the past, present, and future of co-creative love relationships. Sex Purpose Love is a well-researched and comprehensive guide into the intricacies of human development, relationships, sexual dynamics, and Integral theory. It leads us to a marvelous critical discourse on the direction and fate of human flourishing. The call toward living our individual ultimate purpose and finding shared evolutionary purpose with another is both loving and imploring.”

Wesly Feuquay, M. Ed.

Prof. of Consciousness Studies - Maricopa Colleges, AZ, Founder and Director of The PSYLOGIA Institute for the Development of Consciousness, Purpose, and Transformation

Needed Contribution
“A much needed contribution, written to reach many who are interested in the intricacies of coupling. This book provides the reader with an easily understood application of integral theory while elucidating the obstacles and joys in couple development.”

Tom Habib, Ph.D.

Clinical Psychologist, Carlsbad, California

The material has stirred up much inner movement: “I’ve recently finished your book and all I can say is thank you so much!  I can tell that you have a profound interest and passion for evolutionary relationships.  The material has stirred up much inner movement that I’m still trying to digest.  When I’ve processed my reactions to the level that I can actually verbalize them then I’d like to have a chat with you.”

Stephen Richards

Read this book!Great. Finally. Martin Ucik has written a manual for understanding the complex, relational world we live in. Utilizing a wide spectrum approach including Ken Wilber’s integral model of consciousness development, Ucik describes the levels of complexity that make relationships heavenly and hell-like. In heaven? Sit back and enjoy it. Hell? Read this book. (From

Bill Say, M.A.,

Director, Community Healing & Leadership Training

Don’t pass this book up! I am both humbled and inspired by Martin’s work. As a 50 year old woman who has been dating for a number of years I gained much insight as to how “I” was showing up and who I was attempting to relate to and co-create a life with. This book has added many new perspectives to my life and enlightened me on areas that are not an option for me now when choosing a man to be emotionally and physically intimate with. I really hope women will not pass this book up, as it is written for men. If men and women would take the time to read this book, there would be more love, understanding, compassion and peace in our relationships. Water really does seek its own level.Thank You Martin Ucik. (From

Laurie Meyers

This is really useful!“I’ve just been glancing at some sections of your book and find it to be really useful. No wonder it took you 3-4 years to put this together. Listen, pal, this book is a real contribution to understanding life on this planet.If dealing with women sometimes leaves you feeling like you’re in a dense jungle, this may very well be your machete to daylight.” 

Leon Liebner


Every profound sentence was well earned: I have read dozens of relationship books over several decades as a Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  Integral Relationships is unique in how comprehensive, inclusive and deep it addresses relationships.  It was a brilliant idea to apply Ken Wilber’s model to intimate relationships and I can tell every profound sentence was well earned.  Helping Men and Women put a structure to better understanding our levels of consciousness and how they impact our relationships is invaluable and enjoyable to read!

Brad Eppley

I finished to read your book a while ago – invaluable contribution to the integral theory, greatly illuminating, deep and thorough!

Diana, UK

The other thing that your book has given me is another doorway into Integral Theory.  I was first exposed to Integral in 2008 and, while the concepts have resonated deeply, I have had difficulty studying the material in any depth because it’s always felt too “heady” and academic for me. Yet, in the first two chapters of your book, it started to come together for me.  I don’t dare say that “I get it!” yet, but it’s much more clear to me how it all fits together – in the context of relationship. Wishing you all the best and much success with your book!

Lisa Stefan

PCC , Mojo Associates

I really can’t thank you enough:I was slightly sad when the book was over!I am quite impressed by your book, and not at all surprised that it took four years to write.  Some of it read easy and natural to me, like the evolution of love, and chapters 3 and 12.  I liked the interpretations on pages 139-150. A good example is always so helpful to me.  I like the colors for the levels.  The part introducing the polarities was really hard going for me at first, but after repeated readings became one of the best parts for me.  I had a harder time with part 2, especially with holons, even though I reread it many times.  I also struggled with the section on spiritual development.  Something especially thought provoking to me is the idea that a good relationship is the best place to heal old wounds, to be lovingly challenged.  I ignored  the part in bold type saying For Men Only; there were only a few places where I felt men only would be best.  What a unique experience you offer to a woman who wants to know what kind of relationship you dream of: a 200 page explanation!  I was slightly sad when the book was over, this means that I feel inspired to read further.

Carrie Krueger

I’m really impressed with the footnotes, references, and the overall research you’ve put into this book. It’s an outstanding read so far. I’ve actually been reading the book with my girlfriend so it’s been slow going because we don’t have a ton of leisure time together. We are about 1/3 of the way through so far and are loving it. Fun!



Eternally Grateful! I’m so happy to report that I’ve started what we hope will be a long-term relationship. Our relationship matches the vision of integral relationships that I pictured while hiking with you. He meets me at every level, and we act as equal but opposite partners. And I didn’t even have to give up the primary fantasy. All this would not have been possible without learning everything I learned from you. I am eternally grateful.

Christel Rene

It worked for me! Integral Relationships is a great, witty, easy to relate to, love survival manual for men. By the time I finished reading it I knew a lot more about myself, women, and Ken Wilber’s Integral philosophy.


Lucien Quintin

One of the first relationship books that makes sense to me: This “curious woman” is a grateful one! I just finished reading the first two chapters of your book.  While it’s a manual intended for men, I do have to tell you that it’s one of the first relationship books I’ve opened that makes sense to me.   And, I really appreciate reading from the man’s/male perspective.  I’ve downloaded your book onto my Kindle and look forward to reading the rest. Thank you for investing your time, thought, and energy into this project.  Seeing the number of endnotes as I was reading, it was clear that this was no small feat.


I devoured your book. It clarifies so much that I sensed in an inarticulate way.  Looking backward, it helps me speak to why, for example, my earlier leap to a green/teal work life followed by my present remedial bright orange job sends such incorrect signals to so many people, particularly women.   Looking forward, it helps me envision where I want to grow both individually and in partnership.   It is inspirational.   Having gorged myself on it, I will now go back and savor some of the tasty bits again as well as chewing thoughtfully on some of the parts that went down whole the first time because of my desire to consume it all.  Thank you for your massive and masterful work.



Thank you very much for your book, which I have found profound and inspiring.

Allen Zeesman

I am reading your “Integral Relationships” book and find it very interesting, as there are many concepts of having a successful relationship that I never even thought of.


Nice job! I‘m enjoying your book very much.  Thanks for all that time and energy you put into it, whew, massive organizing of thoughts and materials. 

Rebecca Keolanui


Thanks for your work: It has made a real difference for me.  I’m back down the ladder a bit to get in touch with some emotions and duct tape some splintered rungs.

Joseph Robinson

Martin Ucik, masterfully illuminates the wisdom of the Integral Life model for men, to understand fully the dynamics of women.  Integral Relationships, a Manual for Men, is a book for both men and women to support our on-going evolution of consciousness; through and with a partner.   Ucik repeatedly directs the reader to the idea of further advancements in both individual consciousness and world preservation through the primary intimate relationship between two people.  As Ken Wilber indicated in his enthusiastic interview with Ucik, regarding the book, “…just reading about the levels will increase consciousness.”  What a powerful statement of potential for us all, through the integration of this comprehensive look at how an Integral Relationship can change both, us, as individual and potentially the world.  I am recommending this book to all of my friends as a “how to” manual for conscious living and loving.

Fara Gold

Ich bin sehr inspiriert von Deinem Buch, und voller Respekt für die gewaltige Arbeit die Du dir gemacht hast das alles zusammenzugetragen …. Das Fußnotenkapitel hat ja schon fast Wilber´sche Ausmaße ,-) Neben der inspirativen Vision fungiert es für mich auch als umfassendes Lexikon zu dem Thema! I am very inspired by your book and full of respect for the tremendous amount of work that you invested to compile all this information … the footnotes alone take on Wilberian dimensions.Besides the inspirational vision, your manual also serves me as a comprehensive reference guide around the topic of male-female relationships. Very interesting for women as well: Ich habe grosse Achtung vor Deiner Leistung, wie Du in diesem Buch die Beziehung zwischen Mann und Frau genau analysierst. Jeder kann sich dort wiederfinden und sein eigenes Beziehungsverhalten erkunden und nach Bedarf verändern. Aber auch für Frauen finde ich das Buch höchst interessant. Denn nur dann, wenn Frau versteht, wie Mann tickt, kann sie ihn und sein Verhalten einordnen. Dein Buch zeigt deutlich, dass Beziehung, wenn sie erfolgreich und dauerhaft sein will, Arbeit bedeutet – Beziehungsarbeit. Ich bewundere Deine Arbeit sehr.

Khushru Gregor Steinmaurer,

Integral Being

A remarkable achievement!  First a bit of disclosure – Martin Ucik is my good friend. I have watched this book and its core ideas evolve from Martin’s deeply held desire to not only understand for himself the complexities of modern romance, but to help others find lasting relationships. The book that has come out of this is remarkable, particularly as this is Martin’s first publication – and English is not his native language. Martin not only draws from, and carefully credits, others in the vast ecosystem of human awareness publications, but his own personal experiences and beliefs. Warning: he may take positions which some readers might find at odds with their own beliefs or what’s politically correct. Don’t take it personally. Martin’s insights have helped me ‘do the work’ and as a result find lasting love. I highly recommend this book.(From

Ed Myers

I have great respect for your work as you analyze the relationships between men and women in your book. Everyone can find themselves there and explore their own relationship behavior–and change as needed. I find the book to be very interesting for women as well. For only when women understand how men tick, they can understand him and his behavior. Your book shows clearly that successful lasting relationships require work – relationship work. I admire your work very much. (developmnetdiva at Revolutionary Perspective to Help Us See as Others See: Integral Relationships offers a revolutionary approach to entering, enhancing, sustaining, and, if necessary, exiting committed partnerships with wisdom, clarity, and care. It is a broad, detail rich perspective whose time has come. The author’s intention is clear throughout – to help men and their potential female partners approach each other more objectively, which ultimately creates space for developing trust, sustained intimacy, connection and passion. The author writes from the well-spring of his own experience as a heterosexual male, combined with meticulous attention to theory and science. At the same time, the author has the integrity and humility to assert that even this integral perspective is partial. Readers will also find a plethora of practical questions and suggestions as to how to “be in the integral territory” of relationships. As a woman, my hope is that male readers will hold the frameworks presented and some of the author’s rather definitive, bold conclusions and examples lightly. While the book can be used to “look AT” a potential partner as an “other”, relationship success hinges upon both partner’s capacity and willingness to “see as the other sees”. Readers who apply what they learn will surely be more conscious and skillful when dating. In sum, even if readers discern their dates aren’t a suitable fit, they’re more likely to remain friends and break fewer hearts.

Elke, Germany

I really must thank you because even with just skimming your book and reading parts here and there, I “used” the book to help evaluate my compatibility with this man.  Of course not perfectly, I did not study all your categories, but I really looked at the consciousness levels and the sexual compatibility as well as considered specifically the integrated feminine and masculine. I even INITIATED a conversation with my skype mate about sex- only like 3 weeks into our getting to know each other. He was shocked and I think, glad.  You find out so much about a man and of course a woman about HOW that conversation is handled.   There was a lot of laughing, honesty, excitement, some sexiness, a bit of embarrassment – my questions were so blunt!!! – and there was also respect.  He allowed me to ask certain kinds of questions that he did not allow himself until I offered him that freedom.  And even then, he was very careful about phrasing.  That showed me a lot.  And somehow we also both knew when it was time to stop asking questions- specifically in our skype situation.


I’ve read the “Manual” and find it to be most educational, informative, stimulating, and insightful.  I especially like your take on masculine/feminine polarities and how they are evolved and integrated in the context of romantic partnership.  You’ve provided a great service for men and women through the publication of this book. Congratulations!  I’m going to recommend this work to my close circle of friends and promote it on my blog.

Jack LaValley, NY,

True 4 Ever

I have bought, read and I love your book, Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men. Its depth will surely inspire my repeated reference and re-reading. Thank you so much for writing and publishing this thoughtful, stimulating, thoroughly researched and provocative book. Blessings!

Vid Axel