This has to do with a repressed childhood wound, or what is sometimes called “a false identity” that you are defending. Getting triggered that way is a wonderful opportunity to identify this false identity and to correct it with a positive affirmation. The important part is to get in touch with the vulnerable feeling that underlies your primary emotional reaction, which is usually fight, flight or freeze. This primary reaction “protects” the more painful underlying wound. Underlying this painful wound is a false belief about yourself, for example that people don’t care about you. And underlying this false belief is a deep-seated fear about yourself that is too much to bear; so you push anyone away who challenges you to relive the painful (childhood) experience that caused that pain. A positive affirmation that overwrites or replaces the false identity in your unconscious will prevent your amygdala from shutting down and allow you to respond in a mature way, instead of being defensive. This will lead to more intimacy and love between you and your partner.