There are three types of purposes that result in different forms of love relationships:
1. Our Biological Purpose that leads to Transactional Love.
2. Our Transformational Purpose that leads to Transformational Love.
3. Our Transcendental Purpose that leads to Transcendent(al) Love.
Our Biological Purpose or Imperative that we share with all living things is to perpetuate our existence through self-sustaining processes such as:
1. Survival (food, shelter, safety, learning).
2. Reproduction/Procreation.
3. Group forming (Family/Community).
4. Territorialism.
5. Competition/Cooperation.
6. Quality of life seeking.
Image above: Biological Purpose
The related needs and desires of our Biological Purpose are most effectively fulfilled when competitive males produce, protect, and create, and choosing (choosy) females reproduce, care, and direct/guide.
As one of many examples, Alison Armstrong writes in her book Making Sense of Men: A Woman's Guide to a Lifetime of Love, Care and Attention from All Men: "Four qualities in women (shiny hair, shapely body, sensuality, and sexual energy) will attract men who will want to have sex with them. Once women have charmed and enchanted men with their self-confidence, authenticity, passion, and receptivity, men will fall in love with them and make them happy by spending time, taking care, protecting, and contributing/providing.
Image above: Alison Armstrong "Making Sense of Men"
This biologically driven dialectic between the primary sexual fantasies of males and females has led to different sexual attractors, needs, desires, and gender roles that have evolved over time in the domestic and public spheres.
Interestingly, they map onto the first six of the seven chakras as shown below:
Image above: Seven Chakras
First-chakra male providing in exchange for second-chakra female sexuality/fertility:
This pair of desires is related to and guided by instinctive processes in the reptilian parts of our brains, where the vital drives for survival and procreation are located.
Third-chakra male protection/safety/status in exchange for fourth-chakra female care:
This pair of desires is primarily guided by the unconscious limbic parts of our brains, where emotional memories of behaviors that made us feel safe, loved and connected are stored, as are our traumatic experiences.
Fifth-chakra male self-expression and creativity in exchange for sixth-chakra female intuition, inspiration, and wisdom:
The highest pair of desires is related to and guided by the neocortex of our brains, which allows for the development of self-consciousness, human language, autobiographical memory, abstract thought, and imagination.
Seventh chakra representing the differentiated unity of the couple.
Using the chakra system, we see that the female reward for the male contribution is always located in the next higher chakra.
The fulfillment of the divergent male and female desires leads to the need-based Asymmetric Dialectic of Transactional Love as shown in the image below.
Image above: Asymmetric Transactional Love
If we put these divergent desires of males and females along the six chakra pairs plus the seventh unity chakra on a vertical Y-axis, and the seven levels of increasing human consciousness from Archaic to Integral on a horizontal X axis we arrive at a matrix with 49 intersections as shown below.
Image above: Chakra Consciousness Matrix
If we combine (1) the seven chakras, (2) the seven levels of consciousness development, and (3) the four quadrants, we arrive at the image below, indicating the increasing complexity for modern and postmodern love relationships (you can also envision the 4 quadrants in each of the 49 intersections above.)
The image above: Four Dimensions with Levels and Chakras
In an ideal transactional love relationship, which most people dream of, partners lovingly recognize and give each other what they need and desire in each of the four quadrants along the level of the six chakra pairs and the seventh chakra as described above.
Yet on second thought, we realize that these relationships can get quickly out of balance when needs change and can no longer be fulfilled by one or both partners, when lovers withhold or lose what made them initially attractive to their partner, when the attractiveness of one partner increases, when needs and desires begin to be better met outside the relationship, or when partners differently evolve through better vertical translation and integration or transformation to higher levels of consciousness.
In either case, the partner who still provides but no longer receives what they bargained for (desires/fell in love for) will become the slave and the other the master.
Transactional love relationships have the potential to evolve into Transformational love, when couples who are at the same level of development begin to learn, heal, grow, and awaken together in all four quadrants at the level of all the seven chakras to better meet each other's needs while becoming less needy themselves by growing towards more freedom, as shown in the personality matrix below.
Image above: Four Dimensions and Personality Matrix
Unlike the trajectory of our Biological Purpose, which unfolds naturally and involuntarily under normal conditions in physically and psychologically healthy humans from gestation to death—similar to any other "object-with-will" or living organism—we have to awaken to the fact that we have a Transformational and Transcendental Purpose. This awakening either happens spontaneously through a personal insight or ah-ha moment, or is triggered by an external event that brings instant clarity about our role in creating a better world—beyond living our Biological Purpose—after it was brewing in our unconscious mind for some time.
Other people awaken to their Transformational, and Transcendental Purpose gradually when living their Biological Purpose no longer answers the deeper questions of their existence, such as: "What is the meaning of life?" "Why are we here?" "Where do we come from?" "What are we to do?" "Why do we suffer?" "How can we be truly fulfilled and happy?" "What is my purpose?" "How can I contribute?" "Where will I go?" and "How will I be remembered?"
Awakening to, living, and sharing our Transcendental Purpose with our partner allows us to shift from Asymmetrical Transactional to Symmetrical, Transcendental Love Relationships
Barbara Marx Hubbard calls sharing our purpose with others "supra-sexuality" or "vocational arousal." She says, "It could well be that nature is inventing a passion as great as sex that I'm calling supra-sexuality. It's the passion to identify your own unique genius code [natural talents], to find partners in co-creation, to join not [only] your genes but your genius in the expression of your life purpose."
This "supra-sexuality" has the potential to shift Asymmetrical Transactional Desire and Love to Transcendental Desire and Love along the seven Chakras as shown below.
Image above: Chakra Transcendental Love Matrix
Unlike the trajectory of our Biological Purpose, which unfolds naturally and involuntarily under normal conditions in physically and psychologically healthy humans from gestation to death—similar to any other "object-with-will" or living organism—we have to awaken to the fact that we have a Transformational and Transcendental Purpose. This awakening either happens spontaneously through a personal insight or ah-ha moment, or is triggered by an external event that brings instant clarity about our role in creating a better world—beyond living our Biological Purpose—after it was brewing in our unconscious mind for some time.
Other people awaken to their Transformational and Transcendental Purpose gradually when living their Biological Purpose no longer answers the deeper questions of their existence, such as: "What is the meaning of life?" "Why are we here?" "Where do we come from?" "What are we to do?" "Why do we suffer?" "How can we be truly fulfilled and happy?" "What is my purpose?" "How can I contribute?" "Where will I go?" and "How will I be remembered?"
Awakening to, living, and sharing our Transcendental Purpose with our partner allows us to shift from Asymmetrical Transactional to Symmetrical, Transcendental Love Relationships
Barbara Marx Hubbard calls sharing our purpose with others "supra-sexuality" or "vocational arousal." She says, "It could well be that nature is inventing a passion as great as sex that I'm calling supra-sexuality. It's the passion to identify your own unique genius code [natural talents], to find partners in co-creation, to join not [only] your genes but your genius in the expression of your life purpose."
This "supra-sexuality" has the potential to shift Asymmetrical Transactional Desire and Love to Transcendental Desire and Love along the seven Chakras as shown below.
Image Above: Chakra couple making the world a better place.
Join our upcoming Integral Relationship Training to co-create a Transcendental Love Relationship.