By becoming clear and communicating what the purpose of your relationship is. On the primal level, our body is attracted to people who we can make healthy babies with and raise them to adulthood, so that they can take care of us when we are old. This is also the strongest attractor and is the reason why men want younger, sexy women, and women want tall, successful men. On a rational level, we want a partner who shares our interests, lifestyle, values and worldview, and meets our needs. People are often not aware of what these truly are. I suggest that you create a list for each category, so that you can have a conversation with the person who you feel sexually attracted to (or who feels sexually attracted to you) before you enter into a relationship. On a psychological “heart” level we are attracted to people who we can heal with. This attraction often leads to conflict when partners push each other’s emotional buttons after the “romance phase”. Thus, it is important that you and your partner are able to “own” your wounds instead of projecting them onto each other or ignoring them, and to make an agreement (best in writing) that you will heal them with each other or the help of professionals. Our soul is attracted to a partner who challenges us to grow and realize our fullest human potentials, including living and sharing our transcendental purpose. This is why we sometimes call a “soulmate” a “worthy opponent”. And finally, some people are attracted to a partner who challenges them to fully awaken spiritually.
Obviously, the more deep, wide and inclusive (or integral) you want to be in your relationship, the more clear you need to become at all levels who your soulmate is, remove all the blocks that prevent you from finding or attracting “The One”, and to kindly say no to people who don’t meet you at all levels you desire.