You either have an avoidant attachment style or you quickly go down the fear-shame spiral. For the former we can send you a test and work with you on becoming more secure. For the latter we suggest that you look at the shame (if you are a man) or fear (if you are a woman) that you experience when there is relationship stress (or boredom). You then either withdraw out of shame or you alienate your partner out of fear. There is a possibility that you are unconsciously attracted to people who trigger your wound out of their own fear or shame. You can overcome this pattern by making the dynamic conscious and looking at your underlying false identity and emotional wounds. When you go to your next date, bring up the subject. Ask yourself and your date five questions: (1) What attracted you to your former partners? (2) Why did the relationship end? (3) Who ended the relationship? (4) What did you learn from the ending? (5) What do you want to different in your new relationship? Make an agreement to avoid the fear-shame downward spiral by expressing your feelings and changing your behavior, for example by thinking “how would a person who does not feel fear or shame act?”
I struggle with staying in a relationship more than starting it. I cannot have long relationships. I cannot keep the relationship alive.
by Martin Ucik | Blog | 0 comments
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