From a spiritual perspective, the Ego, or false and separate sense of self, can not love, as it always wants something. And once it gets it, it becomes attached and afraid to lose it. To love unconditionally, both partners need to support each other to transcend their egos and to awaken fully. From a psychological perspective, we are initially attracted to and fall in love with people who have transcended aspects of ourselves that we are afraid and ashamed of, and thus repressed into our unconscious. Eventually, our object of love will start to annoy, scare and embarrass us, and instead of healing our own wounds, we project them onto our partner. If he or she doesn’t stop pushing our buttons, we start to hate them. To truly love, we need to own our wounds and learn, heal, and grow together with our partner. On a physical and material level, we are attracted to people who fulfill our primary sexual fantasies. To truly love, we need to stop objectifying our partners as sex or success objects and base our love relationships in shared values, passions, purpose, and vision. You can learn how to love and to be loved through Integral Mindfulness and Relationship practices at the Integral Center where we integrate the spiritual wisdom from the East with the insights of developmental psychology from the West.


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