Click below for answers to your questions:
I feel love for everyone and everything, and am often drawn to multiple partners. I also have a deep yearning to be with my soulmate and to get married. Is there a practical way to do this?
Feeling love for everyone and everything is a wonderful stage. It also opens the door to what is called polyamory (many loves), and often includes sexuality. Why limit our love and sexuality to one person if we can love everyone? Isn’t monogamy an unnatural product of...
How can I get my partner to love me? How can I find a partner and fall in love? Why do I have a lack of love in my life? When will I fall in love? How can I feel that I deserve to be loved? How can I find inner love?
The answer to these questions depends largely on our definition of love and at what level of consciousness development and spiritual awareness we are. This defines our capacity to love and what makes us feel loved. On a physical level of survival and sexuality,...
Why do I always attract the same type (someone with expectations) and how can I attract someone who’s suitable for me?
By looking what is lacking inside of you that you project onto partners, and to heal these wounds by finding it in yourself. You may be an Ennegram 2 type (the helper) who initially offers to help (or worse to rescue) others in the hope to get love in return. That...
How can I have a balanced relationship? How can I be in the flow? Is it possible to love without being dependent?
These and related relationship challenges can be solved through balancing and harmonizing healthy feminine and masculine polarities between you and your partner. Feminine and masculine energies can be embodied by males and females. Alas, we can not be simultaneously...
What level of consciousness development and spiritual awareness should I be at to have a happy relationship.
You can have a happy relationship at any level of development and awareness, as long as you and your partner are at the same level and realize that higher levels are always possible. Then you can make an agreement to learn, heal, grow, and awaken together to realize...
I’m usually under attack for not being feminine enough in my relationships.
You most likely attract men who have not developed their healthy masculine and may be identified with an unhealthy or repressed feminine (or Anima). This way, you cannot relax into your healthy feminine polarity. Another possibility is that you may not have developed...
I struggle with staying in a relationship more than starting it. I cannot have long relationships. I cannot keep the relationship alive.
You either have an avoidant attachment style or you quickly go down the fear-shame spiral. For the former we can send you a test and work with you on becoming more secure. For the latter we suggest that you look at the shame (if you are a man) or fear (if you are a...
When my husband is down, I take care of him and he does not want to speak. If I don’t take care of him, this time he gets cross with me.
First of all, it is very compassionate of you that you take care of him when he is down, even if it is frustrating to you. Not taking care of him is of course no solution to improve your relationship. Men usually don’t speak when they feel shame about having problems....
I am too emotional and this wears me down. What should I do?
In psychologically healthy people, emotions either give important information when our needs are not met, or they point to some unresolved childhood wounds/shadow. In the first case, I suggest that you learn to identify the emotion and connect it to an unmet need. You...
Communication problems and insecurity.
This may be related to self-validated versus other-validated intimacy, which is essentially an inner insecurity or lack of communication skills, or both. David Schnarch characterizes it this way:Other-validated intimacy requires your partner to validate and accept...
After routine and pressuring relationships I started a relationship that gives me more freedom. I wish to have more balance.
It seems that you grew in conscious from a mythic/conformist to a modern/rational level, which gives you more freedom, but also more responsibility. Along with this growth, women often become more masculine, which may make them feel less balanced. In the mythic stage,...
When there is a negative feedback on what I value and really care about, I immediately switch to self-defense. What can I do for that?
This has to do with a repressed childhood wound, or what is sometimes called “a false identity” that you are defending. Getting triggered that way is a wonderful opportunity to identify this false identity and to correct it with a positive affirmation. The important...
My partner doesn’t know how to care for me. I want to remember what love was.
There are seven different forms and intensities of love. They are created through a combination of intimacy, passion and commitment that vary in intensity for each partner. You may visualize these three ingredients of love as a metaphorical triangle. If your triangle...
How should we behave the man who does not believe in himself and in the relationship?
Thank you for the question. It must be very frustrating to be in such a relationship, especially if you know who you are and what you want. The first step is to understand the difference between rescuing, which keeps people dependent on you, and helping, which makes...
I am only attracted to spiritual partners with complex personalities. Initially, these relationships are very exciting and we feel like soul-mates. But eventually, I feel used and burn out. How can I change this pattern?
It sounds like you are a highly evolved and empathetic person who thrives on deep intimacy and likes to help others. That is a wonderful trait. Unfortunately, people like you (and I fell into this trap as well several times) are often attracted to partners with...
27.2.2020 Sex Bestimmung Liebe Vortrag Köln-Bonn
Liebe integral Interessierte, der Integrale Salon Köln/Bonn lädt herzlich ein zu einem Vortrag mit Martin Ucik zu seinem neuen Buch Sex Bestimmung Liebe Paare in integralen Beziehungen schaffen eine bessere Welt Donnerstag, 27.02.2020 von...
COSM Part 2: Transcendental Purpose
I am very honored that world-renowned artists Alex and Allyson Grey invited me to contribute an article about the Dialectic of Love to their COSM Journal of Visionary Culture #10 about LOVE. You can order your copy...
Fear Shame Downward Spiral Exercise
Man: I now realize that I stopped being romantic when I no longer ………. instead of showing my love and care for you by ….. (think of love languages). I am very sorry and feel ….. when this confused, disappointed and scared you. Going forward I will ….. (think about her...
28.2.2020 Sex Bestimmung Liebe Vortrag und Übungen München
Liebe integral Interessierte, Wir laden sie herzlich ein zu einem einstündigen Vortrag mit Martin Ucik zu seinem neuen Buch Sex Bestimmung Liebe und nachfolgenden Übungen und Austausch mit Undine Häßler und Dr. Karsten Beuchert ein. Freitag, 28.02.2020 von 19:00 bis...
29.2. – 1.3. 2020 Integrale Beziehungen Workshop München
Seminarhaus Gronsdorf Nahe München-Haar Peter-Wolfram-Straße 31 85540 Gronsdorf Germany https://goo.gl/maps/LRw4aQwk4RafbAUV6 https://qigongzentrummuenchen.wordpress.com/seminarhaus-gronsdorf/ Total ruhig und idyllisch, mit 2 grossen Räumen nur für uns und Öko Laden...
Dr. Bert Parlee – Drama and Polarity in Love Relationships
Here is the link to the slides of our conversation: https://integralrelationship.com/wp-content/uploads/Dr_Bert_Parlee_RELATIONSHIPS_May_2018.pdf. The Brene Brown video that Bert wanted to share is at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2LXnTQh-3s Below is an image...
Communication with Kim Von Berg
Communication from our Aware & Healed Self As we see in the image above, men and women at different levels of consciousness use different ways of communicating to find consensus or agreement (encapsulated in the wonderful German word Verständigung, which means to...
Integral Psychotherapy in Love Relationships with Dr. Mark Forman
How Integral Psychotherapy addresses spiritual bypassing, attachment styles, personality disorders, and shadow issues in love relationships. Integral men are often attracted to women with complex personalities. We find them interesting and fascinating, as they usually...
Coupling at All Seven Chakras with Anodea Judith
Click here to download the Power Point Show. Watch the Video at https://youtu.be/bECj_5POLX0 Anodea Judith's comprehensive work about the seven chakras provided much of the wisdom and foundation for developing the Integral Love Relationship model in Part III of my new...
Harmonizing Feminine and Masculine Polarities
Michaela Böhm worked with David Deida for 13 years and is one of the most gifted and in-demand relationship teachers, speakers, and counselors to be found globally today. Watch the episode on the Integral Love Relationship YouTube Channel...
What is an Integral Love Relationship?
Are you excited about the Integral Relationship model? Click below to learn more Facilitator and Private Trainings or Personal Consultations You can download the PowerPoint Presentation from the video here. Many scientific studies proof that being in a healthy...
Identifying a Compatible Partner for Sharing your Transcendental Purpose
When we start living our Transcendental Purpose (TP) we will naturally feel attracted to, and attract people who share it.This is the point where understanding the different stages of maturity, altitude, depth, and calling become crucial. Otherwise, we may connect...
Four Methods to Discover your Transcendental Purpose
There are four different methods that have been identified by purpose guides to discovering our natural talents and resulting Transcendental Purpose. Download a Power Point Presentation here and watch the Video on the IR YouTube Channel We call these four methods (1)...
What Makes Love Work
Watch the video of this Web Jam at https://youtu.be/d-A9GrH6KuY After all the theory and "mansplaining" during our first four web jams (see videos here), I had a conversation with Authors Maria Appelqvist and Belinda Busteed Burum about what makes love work, and why...
Why Shared Purpose is the Future of Love and a Better World
Watch the edited video Why Shared Purpose is the Future of Love and a Better World at https://youtu.be/8BC7WximNrE and download the Power Point Presentation here. Similar to being in a healthy sustainable love relationship, living on purpose has many health benefits...
Andrew Cohen and Martin discuss Love Relationships, Spiritual Growth, and Evolutionary Enlightenment
Watch the conversation at www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jwbna1u5uyY. At 55:50 Andrew shares that our recent conversations made him consider how great it would be if he and his wife would have had children and that raising children would probably have told him some hard...
Why Families Matter for a Better World
Watch the replay of our Web Jam about this topic at www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuG8CADp9V0&t=749s To understand why families matter for functioning communities and a better word, we need to take a closer look at human history and modern societies. In the image below...
Why Love Relationships Matter
Watch the replay of our Web Jam about this topic at https://youtu.be/8Ho20O9066Y You can watch the full replay with comments at https://events.genndi.com/replay/169105139238472651/ae2efe76e3/0/0 Most people know about the statistics that couples in healthy happy love...
Oct. 12. 2019, 3-6 PM – COSM Wappinger, NY, Dialectic of Love
Understand why Love is unconditional but relationships are not. Learn to better understand and meet the opposite sex by looking through an Integral lens of the four dimensions of our human being and how we create eight different forms of love through them;...
May 1-5, 2019 Istanbul Integral Relationship Practitioner Training
Integral Relationship Practitioner Trainings May 1- 5, 2019, Surmeli Hotel – Istanbul, Turkey The Integral Relationship Model has proven its validity in heart and mind-opening workshops, healthy love relationships, and thriving marriages around the world. Now you...
April 26-28, 2019 Istanbul IR Weekend Workshop
Join us for a weekend of learning and embodying the Integral Love Relationship Model Singles will receive a clear road-map to finding/attracting and identifying compatible partners for the co-creation of sustainable relationships between opposites and equals (and...
September 20-22, 2019 Istanbul IR Weekend Workshop
Join us for a weekend of learning and embodying the Integral Love Relationship Model Singles will receive a clear road-map to finding/attracting and identifying compatible partners for the co-creation of sustainable relationships between opposites and equals (and...
Dr. Keith Witt on online dating and Arya’s and Kirk’s amazing integralsingles.com love story
An article by my friend Dr. Keith Witt about online dating and the amazing love story of Arya and Kirk who met on www.integralsingles.com inspired this newsletter. Please share it with your single friends. Keith, who is an excellent and inspiring Integral...
Drawing on Habermas, Gandhi and Wilber for co-creating healthy love relationships
According to social philosopher Jürgen Habermas*, all human actions (which Gandhi says become our habits, values and destiny), are always primarily coordinated by speech or language use. Whenever humans use language to coordinate their love relationships, they enter...
Enneagram Instinctual Variants
One detail that is missing in Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men are the three Instinctual Variants in the Enneagram. You can do a test at www.enneagraminstitute.com/ivq.asp#.UXVre7Wsh8E what variant you are. Some relationship experts maintain that couples with...
Why do couples argue and get into fights, and why are singles single?
There are many reasons why couples argue, get into fights and end their relationships, and why singles can't find a partner or avoid relationships altogether: - Unfulfilled primary fantasies. - Different passions, lifestyle choices or visions for the relationship. -...
Are Women More Evolved Than Men?
Barbara Marx Hubbard gives us a first pointer to answering the question if women are more evolved than men when she shared: "I have always been inspired by the great men who were evolutionaries. They were all men! I was attracted to their ideas and their seed, and it...
We need more Integral Relationship Evolutionaries!
What is an Integral Relationship Evolutionary? Throughout history, males and females co-created three major forms of relationships that supported their survival and procreation:* 1. In hunter/gatherer societies that existed exclusively until about 12.000 years ago,...
My visit to Ken Wilber
Last Thursday 2/9/2012, I had the great honor and pleasure to meet Ken Wilber at his loft in Denver, CO (it was my first of five visits total so far). At the end of ISE #2 over New Years 2010/11 I was shocked, saddened, and moved to tears for several weeks after...
My critics were right
In early December last year I ranted in a newsletter about "lying relationship experts". An emotional button was pushed when I heard the Soul Mate expert who I was trained by as a Coach promoting Conscious Uncoupling and Calling In "The Next One" courses to her...
The purpose of my recent rant
The pictures below may better illustrate the point that I was trying to make in my last newsletter. The authors of the 200+ relationship books in my research library below are all specialists who cover a certain area of the entire relationship territory. I owe a lot...
Two women critically reflect on Integral Relationships Discourse with Integral New York
January 2012 / Notes from the Field Integral Leadership Review Barbara Larisch and Robin Reinach Does Integral make us happier? Martin Ucik questioned at the beginning of his presentation to Integral New York on Oct. 17, 2011. This issue hung in the air throughout...
An Inconvenient Relationship Truth
Eckhart Tolle writes in The Power Of Now on page 132 (page 159 paperback edition): "Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of our life and close relationships in particular...
My recent conversation with Andrew Cohen about Evolutionary Relationships.
In my July 29th 2011 Newsletter I criticized (married) spiritual teacher Andrew Cohen for saying that "romantic love relationships should be somewhere between priority number four to ten in our lives". After reading his inspiring new book Evolutionary Enlightenment...
Andrew Cohen denies importance of love relationships in our lives
I was somewhat puzzled when I recently heard a well known (married) American spiritual teacher state in an interview about The Future of Love that romantic relationships should be somewhere between priority number four to ten in our lives. He did not say what the...