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Why do I attract people with negative energy and mentally sick people in my relationships in recent years? How can I attract the right partner for a soulmate relationship? Why have I attracted what I've attracted so far in my life?First of all, the fact that we were...

The sex hormones testosterone, estrogen and dopamine, and the associated neurotransmitters that act upon the nucleus accumbens, regulate libido in humans. These chemicals are either naturally released so that we experience lust and desire to make babies, or heightened...

Carol Gilligan wrote in her famous book “In a Different Voice” that gave me sleepless nights: “Men try to understand others by understanding themselves; women try to understand themselves by understanding others.” If this resonates with you as it did with me, then you...

You are not alone. Singles who yearn for a partner and couples who experience relationship stress often feel that nobody loves them, or that they are not lovable and that there is something wrong with them; and that includes me at times. Of course, this is not true....

While there may be minor gender differences that I list below, effective communication with the same or opposite sex depends largely on the level of consciousness development, the perspective, and the feminine or masculine energy of the person you want to talk to (his...

By focusing on what is alive and co-created between you and your partner in all dimensions of your being at the level of your seven chakras. The first step is that you and your partner become fully aware of your surroundings, body sensations, thoughts, feelings, and...

You are probably very self-reliant and take responsibility for every single issue that appears in your life, so you don’t really need anyone. When it comes to your own feelings, needs, and desires, you barely pay attention to them and rarely express them. Your...

I think one of Immanuel Kant's categorical imperatives; “so act as to treat humanity, whether in your own person or in another, always as an end, and never as only a means” applies to your question. Because our needs and wants, and the ability or willingness of our...

Love and relationships between humans are always conditional, because, unlike animals like penguins, we are self-conscious and have developing minds with changing needs and desires. True and permanent, or unconditional love, only exists as a potential when we become...

It may not be important to you personally, but it is important for the rest of us. Like all living beings, you already live the essential parts of your purpose; to survive, to join groups, and to seek the best possible quality of life or happiness. Finding and living...

By realizing that (1) everybody is right from their own perspective and level of development (view), (2) by being curious about their view, and (3) by accepting that not everybody can understand or relate to your view. With perspective I mean can you and the person...

This is a common problem for people who are more evolved/understanding than their partner. We can often understand the needs, values and worldviews of our partner, but he or she can not see and accept ours. This is because the Ego, our self identity and separate sense...

Your soul is like the seed of a plant. It holds your full human potential, just like an acorn holds the potential to grow into an oak tree. Soulmates uniquely see each other's full human potentials and complement and challenge each other to realize it. These...

Let me first remind you that feminine and masculine polarities can be equally embodied by males and females. Each of them has healthy and unhealthy expressions. Even though there may be certain genetic predispositions for men and women to be either more masculine or...

The first false belief that you may hold is to think that happiness and joy will come from the outside. This may be true for short-term pleasures, but they often either create long-term suffering and are difficult to control. A mindful meditation practice will allow...

Most women are attracted to men with power and wealth. I never heard a woman say I want a partner who is weak, poor, and needy. This poses a paradox for women and men, as most powerful men eventually also want to have power over their partner. This is especially true...

As John Lennon said and we all experience right now, “life is happening while we make other plans.” So in that sense, we cannot build our future. The things that had the biggest impact on my life, such as meeting my wife and mother of my three children, finding a...

By realizing that being alive in itself is a miracle and by opening up to all the possibilities and invitations that you are presented with from moment to moment. Unfortunately, the Ego, our separate and false sense of self, sees life as a problem, as lacking, as...

This is a great question, especially in these times of uncertainty and transformation. Many studies show that humans who live their purpose and are in happy love relationships are most healthy and fulfilled. There are three broad layers of purpose that also define who...

We all have needs. Some have been identified as universal being-needs, such as sustenance, safety, affection, understanding, trust, or freedom. Others are more individual, for example acceptance, beauty, empathy, contribution, or companionship. I can send you a list...

A good strategy is to first accept the situation that you are in, no matter what it may be. There is no need to label it good or bad. It is what it is. Take a few deep breaths and feel into the aliveness of your body. No matter what your situation and fears may be,...

My first intuition about your question is if you have a serious relationship with yourself? With that I mean, do you know what your needs, interests, passions, purpose and dreams for the future are, and why you want to be in a relationship? The answer usually falls...

The problem is that you are identified with your thoughts that are mostly about the past and future, instead of the present. The solution is not to stop thinking or to change what you are thinking, but to become aware of your mind and thoughts in the present moment....

We all have an immunity to change. This is usually a good thing, just as our biological immune system is. It detects and fights bacteria and viruses that are harmful to our body and keeps us safe. Problems arise when the immune system is weak or does not recognise...

Being happily single for a while is an important developmental step to move from co-dependence and dependence to independence. Independence as an inner state is the prerequisite for maturing to interdependence, interbeing and interbecoming. As we have seen in the last...

From an Integral perspective all humans are simultaneously whole and part. Like a whole hand that is part of a whole body. Or a whole finger that is part of a whole hand. Or a whole letter that is part of a whole word. Each part has to maintain its wholeness to be a...

I picked this question because of the movie “The Tree of Life” with Jessica Chastain, Sean Penn and Brad Pitt that we will watch tonight. In it, we see how a religious family struggles with this very question after one of their members dies. All healthy humans...

The first reason may be that you have different love languages. While yours may be touch and quality time, his may be gifts and words, or acts of service. I suggest that you both do a love languages test and talk about the results. You can then make a more conscious...

By becoming clear and communicating what the purpose of your relationship is. On the primal  level, our body is attracted to people who we can make healthy babies with and raise them to adulthood, so that they can take care of us when we are old. This is also the...

Divided couple are separated by white wall Of course my answer is to become integrally informed about love relationships by integrating the essential wisdom from the East (e.g. chakras and spirituality) with the scientific knowledge from the West (e.g. psychology,...

The first step is to identify what level of consciousness you and your partner are at (magic, egocentric, conformist, rational, pluralistic, or integral), as people at different levels use different arguments for validating what is good, true, beautiful and practical...

There are two forms of unconditional love. One is localized, for example loving a child, pet, parent or  partner unconditionally. This means, whatever will happen, I extend myself for the purpose of nurturing your material and physical well-being, as well as your...

There can be multiple reasons, or a combination of them. Naturally, becoming integrally informed and experienced is the foundation for identifying resolving any relationship conflict. Below are a few reasons why you struggle:The first may be that you may have...

Being able to feel emotions is part of what makes us human. So yes, they are inevitable. Primary emotions evolved in response to an unsupportive environment, caregiver failure and adverse experiences that we faced during our childhood and became ‘hardwired’ in the...

The answers are already implied in your questions. There is the “you“ and there are “the negative thoughts”. Negative and positive thoughts or voices have been “installed” in your conscious and unconscious mind from early childhood on. These voices change based on...

If you are totally clear and honest about your intentions, feelings and desires, if they are mutal, and if the sex is consensual and healthy, then I see no problem with caring more about sex than love. However, it can be tricky, as women often get attached after sex...

The answer and solution is found in one or more of the four dimensions of our being: One is in our interior mind and feelings--as David Schnarch wrote, our biggest sex organ is the brain. You may have emotional blocks and trauma, unresolved differences and conflicts,...

Thank you for your question. I sense your conflict between being in committed safe relationship, and your fear of disappointment. Your conflict is most likely related to a highly avoidant and/or highly anxious attachment style. If that is the case, see my answer to ...

Thank you for your question. It can be frustrating when we get this feeling of not being adequate or good enough for our partner. The first question is if your partner challenges you to learn, heal, grow, and awaken so that you can realize your full human potential,...

It can be very scary when we no longer trust our partner and when our values don’t match. Trust is mainly an inside job. This means, we don’t trust ourselves enough to be OK when someone else would let us down, and/or we don’t have healthy boundaries and clear values...

Thank you for your question. I sense your longing for such a relationship. Physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual attraction is based on many biological and psychological factors that often seem mysterious to people. While we have little control over it, we can...

Thank you for your question. Do you mean to physically meet and relax together? Are there practical reasons (time, money, distance, no place to meet etc.) or emotional reasons (not enough attraction, fear, shame, different needs and expectations?). maybe you can...

It can be frustrating when we expect to hear from someone we love and he does not get in touch with us. My first thought is if you clearly communicated with him that would love to hear from him on a daily basis. You may have different love languages, and he may not...

Of course they come back for more of what you gave them initially, because they are selfish. So the question is, why do you attract and enter into a relationship with them in the first place? Because I don’t know you, I can only speculate that you may have low...

I don’t fully understand the question, but it seems to be related to establishing healthy boundaries (not accepting clearly emotionally abusive and harmful behavior of your partner), empathy for the suffering of your partner with a “negative code” and helping him/her...

I assume you mean to solve the problem of an anxious, avoidant, or disoriented/disorganized attachment style and how to move towards secure attachment. The first step is to take a test to become clear what attachment style you or your partner have and to acknowledge...

 It sounds like you feel trapped between your (and/or your partner’s) desire for freedom and the safety of your marriage. Many people confuse freedom with independence and autonomy. Ultimately, freedom is an inner state, while independence and autonomy are outer...

Thank you for the question. It sounds like you feel powerless in your relationship. As you see all around you, males who are in leadership have the highest social status, hold the most power, often make the most money, AND have the most attractive (=fertile) females....

I am excited to hear that you have this desire, as it is our vision and mission to empower couples to have life-long marriages. There are several keys: First that couples are at the same level of development in crucial areas such as consciousness, emotions, sexuality,...