Click below for answers to your questions:

A good strategy is to first accept the situation that you are in, no matter what it may be. There is no need to label it good or bad. It is what it is. Take a few deep breaths and feel into the aliveness of your body. No matter what your situation and fears may be,...

My first intuition about your question is if you have a serious relationship with yourself? With that I mean, do you know what your needs, interests, passions, purpose and dreams for the future are, and why you want to be in a relationship? The answer usually falls...

The problem is that you are identified with your thoughts that are mostly about the past and future, instead of the present. The solution is not to stop thinking or to change what you are thinking, but to become aware of your mind and thoughts in the present moment....

We all have an immunity to change. This is usually a good thing, just as our biological immune system is. It detects and fights bacteria and viruses that are harmful to our body and keeps us safe. Problems arise when the immune system is weak or does not recognise...

Being happily single for a while is an important developmental step to move from co-dependence and dependence to independence. Independence as an inner state is the prerequisite for maturing to interdependence, interbeing and interbecoming. As we have seen in the last...

From an Integral perspective all humans are simultaneously whole and part. Like a whole hand that is part of a whole body. Or a whole finger that is part of a whole hand. Or a whole letter that is part of a whole word. Each part has to maintain its wholeness to be a...

I picked this question because of the movie “The Tree of Life” with Jessica Chastain, Sean Penn and Brad Pitt that we will watch tonight. In it, we see how a religious family struggles with this very question after one of their members dies. All healthy humans...

The first reason may be that you have different love languages. While yours may be touch and quality time, his may be gifts and words, or acts of service. I suggest that you both do a love languages test and talk about the results. You can then make a more conscious...

By becoming clear and communicating what the purpose of your relationship is. On the primal  level, our body is attracted to people who we can make healthy babies with and raise them to adulthood, so that they can take care of us when we are old. This is also the...

Divided couple are separated by white wall Of course my answer is to become integrally informed about love relationships by integrating the essential wisdom from the East (e.g. chakras and spirituality) with the scientific knowledge from the West (e.g. psychology,...

The first step is to identify what level of consciousness you and your partner are at (magic, egocentric, conformist, rational, pluralistic, or integral), as people at different levels use different arguments for validating what is good, true, beautiful and practical...

There are two forms of unconditional love. One is localized, for example loving a child, pet, parent or  partner unconditionally. This means, whatever will happen, I extend myself for the purpose of nurturing your material and physical well-being, as well as your...

There can be multiple reasons, or a combination of them. Naturally, becoming integrally informed and experienced is the foundation for identifying resolving any relationship conflict. Below are a few reasons why you struggle:The first may be that you may have...

Being able to feel emotions is part of what makes us human. So yes, they are inevitable. Primary emotions evolved in response to an unsupportive environment, caregiver failure and adverse experiences that we faced during our childhood and became ‘hardwired’ in the...

The answers are already implied in your questions. There is the “you“ and there are “the negative thoughts”. Negative and positive thoughts or voices have been “installed” in your conscious and unconscious mind from early childhood on. These voices change based on...

If you are totally clear and honest about your intentions, feelings and desires, if they are mutal, and if the sex is consensual and healthy, then I see no problem with caring more about sex than love. However, it can be tricky, as women often get attached after sex...

The answer and solution is found in one or more of the four dimensions of our being: One is in our interior mind and feelings--as David Schnarch wrote, our biggest sex organ is the brain. You may have emotional blocks and trauma, unresolved differences and conflicts,...

Thank you for your question. I sense your conflict between being in committed safe relationship, and your fear of disappointment. Your conflict is most likely related to a highly avoidant and/or highly anxious attachment style. If that is the case, see my answer to ...

Thank you for your question. It can be frustrating when we get this feeling of not being adequate or good enough for our partner. The first question is if your partner challenges you to learn, heal, grow, and awaken so that you can realize your full human potential,...

It can be very scary when we no longer trust our partner and when our values don’t match. Trust is mainly an inside job. This means, we don’t trust ourselves enough to be OK when someone else would let us down, and/or we don’t have healthy boundaries and clear values...

Thank you for your question. I sense your longing for such a relationship. Physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual attraction is based on many biological and psychological factors that often seem mysterious to people. While we have little control over it, we can...

Thank you for your question. Do you mean to physically meet and relax together? Are there practical reasons (time, money, distance, no place to meet etc.) or emotional reasons (not enough attraction, fear, shame, different needs and expectations?). maybe you can...

It can be frustrating when we expect to hear from someone we love and he does not get in touch with us. My first thought is if you clearly communicated with him that would love to hear from him on a daily basis. You may have different love languages, and he may not...

Of course they come back for more of what you gave them initially, because they are selfish. So the question is, why do you attract and enter into a relationship with them in the first place? Because I don’t know you, I can only speculate that you may have low...

I don’t fully understand the question, but it seems to be related to establishing healthy boundaries (not accepting clearly emotionally abusive and harmful behavior of your partner), empathy for the suffering of your partner with a “negative code” and helping him/her...

I assume you mean to solve the problem of an anxious, avoidant, or disoriented/disorganized attachment style and how to move towards secure attachment. The first step is to take a test to become clear what attachment style you or your partner have and to acknowledge...

 It sounds like you feel trapped between your (and/or your partner’s) desire for freedom and the safety of your marriage. Many people confuse freedom with independence and autonomy. Ultimately, freedom is an inner state, while independence and autonomy are outer...

Thank you for the question. It sounds like you feel powerless in your relationship. As you see all around you, males who are in leadership have the highest social status, hold the most power, often make the most money, AND have the most attractive (=fertile) females....

I am excited to hear that you have this desire, as it is our vision and mission to empower couples to have life-long marriages. There are several keys: First that couples are at the same level of development in crucial areas such as consciousness, emotions, sexuality,...

Feeling love for everyone and everything is a wonderful stage. It also opens the door to what is called polyamory (many loves), and often includes sexuality. Why limit our love and sexuality to one person if we can love everyone? Isn’t monogamy an unnatural product of...

The answer to these questions depends largely on our definition of love and at what level of consciousness development and spiritual awareness we are. This defines our capacity to love and what makes us feel loved. On a physical level of survival and sexuality,...

By looking what is lacking inside of you that you project onto partners, and to heal these wounds by finding it in yourself. You may be an Ennegram 2 type (the helper) who initially offers to help (or worse to rescue) others in the hope to get love in return. That...

These and related relationship challenges can be solved through balancing and harmonizing healthy feminine and masculine polarities between you and your partner. Feminine and masculine energies can be embodied by males and females. Alas, we can not be simultaneously...

You can have a happy relationship at any level of development and awareness, as long as you and your partner are at the same level and realize that higher levels are always possible. Then you can make an agreement to learn, heal, grow, and awaken together to realize...

You most likely attract men who have not developed their healthy masculine and may be identified with an unhealthy or repressed feminine (or Anima). This way, you cannot relax into your healthy feminine polarity. Another possibility is that you may not have developed...

You either have an avoidant attachment style or you quickly go down the fear-shame spiral. For the former we can send you a test and work with you on becoming more secure. For the latter we suggest that you look at the shame (if you are a man) or fear (if you are a...

First of all, it is very compassionate of you that you take care of him when he is down, even if it is frustrating to you. Not taking care of him is of course no solution to improve your relationship. Men usually don’t speak when they feel shame about having problems....

In psychologically healthy people, emotions either give important information when our needs are not met, or they point to some unresolved childhood wounds/shadow. In the first case, I suggest that you learn to identify the emotion and connect it to an unmet need. You...

This may be related to self-validated versus other-validated intimacy, which is essentially an inner insecurity or lack of communication skills, or both.  David Schnarch characterizes it this way:Other-validated intimacy requires your partner to validate and accept...

It seems that you grew in conscious from a mythic/conformist to a modern/rational level, which gives you more freedom, but also more responsibility. Along with this growth, women often become more masculine, which may make them feel less balanced. In the mythic stage,...

This has to do with a repressed childhood wound, or what is sometimes called “a false identity” that you are defending. Getting triggered that way is a wonderful opportunity to identify this false identity and to correct it with a positive affirmation. The important...

There are seven different forms and intensities of love. They are created through a combination of intimacy, passion and commitment that vary in intensity for each partner. You may visualize these three ingredients of love as a metaphorical triangle. If your triangle...

Thank you for the question. It must be very frustrating to be in such a relationship, especially if you know who you are and what you want. The first step is to understand the difference between rescuing, which keeps people dependent on you, and helping, which makes...

It sounds like you are a highly evolved and empathetic person who thrives on deep intimacy and likes to help others. That is a wonderful trait. Unfortunately, people like you (and I fell into this trap as well several times) are often attracted to partners with...

Liebe integral Interessierte,   der Integrale Salon Köln/Bonn lädt herzlich ein zu einem Vortrag mit Martin Ucik zu seinem neuen Buch    Sex Bestimmung Liebe   Paare in integralen Beziehungen schaffen eine bessere Welt   Donnerstag, 27.02.2020 von...

I am very honored that world-renowned artists Alex and Allyson Grey invited me to contribute an article about the Dialectic of Love to their COSM Journal of Visionary Culture #10 about LOVE. You can order your copy...

Man: I now realize that I stopped being romantic when I no longer ………. instead of showing my love and care for you by ….. (think of love languages). I am very sorry and feel ….. when this confused, disappointed and scared you. Going forward I will ….. (think about her...

Liebe integral Interessierte, Wir laden sie herzlich ein zu einem einstündigen Vortrag mit Martin Ucik zu seinem neuen Buch Sex Bestimmung Liebe und nachfolgenden Übungen und Austausch mit Undine Häßler und Dr. Karsten Beuchert ein. Freitag, 28.02.2020 von 19:00 bis...

Seminarhaus Gronsdorf Nahe München-Haar Peter-Wolfram-Straße 31 85540 Gronsdorf Germany https://goo.gl/maps/LRw4aQwk4RafbAUV6 https://qigongzentrummuenchen.wordpress.com/seminarhaus-gronsdorf/ Total ruhig und idyllisch, mit 2 grossen Räumen nur für uns und Öko Laden...

Here is the link to the slides of our conversation: https://integralrelationship.com/wp-content/uploads/Dr_Bert_Parlee_RELATIONSHIPS_May_2018.pdf. The Brene Brown video that Bert wanted to share is at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2LXnTQh-3s Below is an image...